WrestleMania 2. You know that old saying that the sequel is never as good as the original? Well, that certainly is true in this case. WrestleMania 2 is strange in every sense of the word. It took place on a Monday. It strangely took place in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles on the same night. It even had the ‘Where’s the Beef?’ Lady. Sigh.
In my experience of watching the earliest WrestleManias, this was a very painful watch. It was the case of throwing everything at the wall and hoping that something stuck. It rarely did. Mercifully it does get a lot better in the years to come. Next year in fact.
With all of this in mind, I present my list of the top five things I learned from WrestleMania 2:
#5 I hate celebrity commentators
Vince really likes having celebrities at WrestleMania. Sometimes at the expense of his own wrestlers, he will use their star power to try to bring mainstream attention to the product. This might have made sense in the first WrestleMania but it goes way overboard in the second one.
The following “celebrities” were a part of the show and in some cases, it was as a timekeeper, announcer or even wrestler. They were: Joe Frazier, Cab Calloway, G. Gordan Liddy, Joan Rivers, Ray Charles, Herb, Clara Peller, Dick Butkus, Ed “Too Tall” Jones, Ricky Schroder, Robert Conrad, Tommy Lasorda, Russ Francis, Ozzy Osbourne and William “The Refridgedor” Perry.
It was amazing Vince had any time for actual wrestlers with all these names involved. But nothing compares to the horror of the celebrity commentators.
Vince McMahon called the New York portion of the show with actress Susan St James. If you want I could suggest a drinking game for you. Drink every single time Susan says the phrase “Uh Oh.” If you do you will be drunk or dead by the second match. I found myself reaching for the remote on many occasions for that important mute button.
It got “better” in Chicago with reality host Cathy Lee Crosby joining Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene doing commentary. Her input consisted of saying, “I have never seen anything like this before!” That is great to know. It makes a really important contribution on a WrestleMania night to have someone who has never watched live wrestling.
Elvira calls the Los Angeles portion of the show with Jesse Ventura and Lord Alfred Hayes. She does the best because she sticks to her Elvira routine and gets some good set-up from Jesse. That being said, having three inexperienced commentators who may not even be wrestling fans is a very painful experience. Uh Oh indeed.
#4 Future WrestleMania Stars get off to terrible starts
WrestleMania 2 had some truly terrible matches.
I don’t think I need to see a match with Uncle Elmer, Corporal Kirchner or a 59 second Women’s Title match ever again. This show is filled with lots of terrible, painful matches not worthy of a Saturday Night’s Main Event. But what I learned most is that future WrestleMania stars (Randy Savage, Bret Hart and Jake Roberts) got off to terrible WrestleMania debuts.
Randy Savage had his first match with George “The Animal” Steele. The issue is George’s style. Acting crazy and eating ring posts does not lend itself to the really good technical matches that Savage can pull off.
Jake Roberts didn’t do much better. Having a four-minute match with George Wells didn’t lend itself to Jake’s style either. But he did get to drop his snake on Wells as George foamed at the mouth so that is something.
The most surprising/disappointing was Bret Hart’s first match. He had the “honour” of being in the NFL vs. pro wrestler battle royal. It was as boring as you would think. Bret only threw out Russ Francis, a San Francisco 49er on his way to finishing in second place at the battle royal.
That would have been memorable if he didn’t get thrown over the top rope by Andre the Giant. WrestleMania 2 shows you that future WrestleMania stars can get off to mediocre starts.
#3 Just don’t have boxing matches at WrestleMania
If you want to see boxing, go see an actual boxing match. Despite this simple idea, the WWE decides from time to time to have “so-called” boxing matches, complete with judges as if it is a real contest. It got off to a bad star with Mr T vs. Roddy Piper on this show.
Roddy was an actual amateur boxer and Mr T was a fake boxer who played one in Rocky III. Piper sure tries his best to sell everything that Mr T does but it is a slow-paced disaster with terrible looking fake punches. It goes on for over fourteen minutes until Piper decided to bodyslam Mr T.
There is nothing like a fake boxing match with an unnecessary DQ ending. Just stick to pro wrestling going forward WWE.
#2 Ok, Dynamite Kid is amazing
You have to go through many terrible matches to get to a true quality tag match. It was the British Bulldogs versus Brutus Beefcake and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, in what was a well-built storyline that gave the Bulldogs their first tag title.
The match had the faces controlling a vast majority of the offence, which is pretty rare for any tag match. I think the reason for this is really clear. It is to showcase Dynamite Kid. I have heard stories that Dynamite Kid was the best worker ever. I can see why, after watching his tag match at WrestleMania.
The offence looks flawless and very painful. Watching the match made me appreciate his talent but it made me sad too. He was injured before the next WrestleMania so this was truly his only WrestleMania moment. It was the only true great match at WrestleMania 2.
#1 The Main Event was Hulk Hogan at his most Hulk Hogan
Whatever you think of Hulk Hogan, you cannot deny he was insanely over. Fans would cheer his every move and mannerism. You cannot deny Hulkamania carried the company in the 1980’s.
What I learned is, we had a well-established pattern that started at WrestleMania 2. Hogan was splashed by King Kong Bundy in the weeks leading up to the show. The doctors told Hogan to not fight because it could affect his long-term career. Naturally, Hogan defied the odds and fought in the steel cage match anyway.
The match is pretty much what you would expect out of Hogan. He controlled nearly all the offence and made Bundy bleed heavily. We should not be shocked to learn that Hogan overcame the odds and retained the title. It would be a pattern we would see again and again for years to come. It all started here.
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