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Enzo Amore can't wrestle

I mean, he's technically a wrestler, but he's certainly not a technical wrestler! Let's give unsolicited advice!

Top 5 / Top 10 16 Mar 2017, 23:24 IST
Talent for days, obviously.

Enzo’s not a wrestler. Big Cass is, absolutely, but Enzo is a former college football player and Hooters manager. He was a better Hooters manager, I’m guessing.

Look, Enzo is awesome. And yeah, yeah, I know he’s actually a professional wrestler by name and paycheck. I am a big fan, especially of his early NXT stuff. I bought the “Certified G” t-shirt on DAY ONE. The dude can hype crowds bigger and faster than Mojo can think.

He’s very good at what he does. Put it this way, if he was in South Park’s WTF he’d be a top card champion. But he’s not, he’s in the second best pro-wrestling federation on earth, WWE. And in WWE, sometimes you have to pro-wrestle very well to make it to the top. You know, like Bo Dallas. He’s a slow learner, and possibly the slowest of them all with no prior wrestling experience before joining the WWE in 2012. His physical stature isn’t meant for a brawler, nor is he capable of being a high-flyer as that requires some athletic prowess and background.

My point is, Enzo is talented, but maybe his skills would lend themselves better to a different career.

#1 Hip Hop

Already has his own hype man, Cass-E Cass.

Enzo obviously has a tonne of passion for the rap game, and he can clearly rhyme two words, at least. I’m not saying he’s on the same level as Redman or Mr Lif, but he’s certainly better than John Cena, and probably even late-era DMX. Passable, for sure.

Personally, I think, while he probably wouldn’t be an honorary member of the Wu-Tang Clan, I can easily see him dropping in on a Gravediggaz track. He might be able to join, and subsequently take over the Kottonmouth Kings, but he’s probably too hard for 311. I only assume he’s high all the time based on his wardrobe.

He’s already got the mic, and half a tattoo, so why not? He could probably do some great colabs with The CFO$ if he wanted to keep his brand in-house. Wait, I’m being stupid, he’s a Juggalo. How did I miss that? It’s so obvious. The Hatchetman is right there. Probably.

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