Satire: Predicting the lowest paid WWE Superstars of 2017

Shane will be fine. He literally prints his own money.

#2 Bayley

Seriously, don’t touch them.

Bayley’s wacky inflatable balloon men are actually sentient aliens like Symbiote Venom. In order to keep them from bonding with humans, they must be contained in a special holding cell created and monitored by Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four when they're not introducing Bayley.

Superheroes don’t normally work-for-hire, but in this case, it helps fund Richards’ other scientific endeavours, and the world benefits in the long run. Except for maybe Bayley’s video game fund. Although, if she did bond with one of them and became evil, and if she was able to free herself, she’d have a hell of a redemption story on her hands.


#3 Bray Wyatt

Randy thought this was where they made pants.

That Wrestlemania maggot-projector was a huge waste of money. Even worse, though, is his return on real estate investments. As a God, Bray doesn’t believe in insurance, so when Randy burned his home down it was a total loss. He will also be taking on the loss of his House of Horrors investment, as no one will buy it in its current condition.


#4 Baron Corbin

That thing looks like it hasn’t eaten in weeks.

Corbin clearly hates himself, and also thinks he’s a wolf. The only way he’s able to hold down a job is therapy, and he needs the best. And he needs, like, a whole team. I think, if he just made a friend or two, and accepted his forehead, he’d save a lot of money and he wouldn’t look like his bellybutton was starving.


#5 Sasha Banks

Sasha’s biggest expense is her “Legit Boss” knuckle rings. The only problem? She’s horribly irresponsible with them, often just leaving them on the ramp before a fight. She does this all the time and never goes back to find them. Those knucks are 2 million dollars, each!

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