Hang a left up ahead, and take the RKO to Suplex City

Radioactive Unicorns, in case you were wondering (Photo Credit: Robert Svärd)

It's like watching one hundred radioactive unicorns battle one hundred Agent Smiths from The Matrix. I don't understand it, It makes zero sense, I'm not sure if it matters who wins, but it's easily the coolest thing happening in the room.

All I'm saying is that it doesn't really matter if he wins or loses. He'll be fine either way. Realistically he should win, but if you're looking for reality you made a bunch of poor decisions on the way and you ended up on the internet reading about pro wrestling.

Life is hard, sometimes.

That means Randy gets the win, and why wouldn't he in most circumstances?

He's a returning Superstar with no real chance of being demoted to the mid-card for the remainder of his career. A win could plant him at the top of the mountain with sights firmly on the WWE's top accessory, (which is ironically a belt, and Orton rarely wears pants) the Heavyweight Championship.

It could set him up for one last dominant run as the face of the company, mixing it up with all the whipping and snapping influx of talent. But Brock Lesnar is not most circumstances. I think the most we can hope for is R dot Orton doesn't die during the match and moves on to fight new opponents.

Opponents who haven't gotten an early-90s-big-screen television set lodged in their chest.

A lot of people were upset when it was announced that Brock was gonna face Randy at SummerSlam, because iI guess a lot of people forgot that Randy has the capability of putting on entertaining matches, or that Brock just SHOWING UP somewhere is pretty damn entertaining.

Honestly though, a loss for either one isn't going to change their respective career trajectories very much.

Of course, a win for either can’t hurt, but Orton can take a loss without too much shame and Brock is gonna keep Brocking whether we want him to or not. I’m not that big of a Randy Orton fan, and while I am a Lesnar fan I never really care whether or not he wins or loses.

Just how he plays the game.

So this match, for me, is exciting for just existing. I’m into it for what it’s not: it’s not Orton vs. Cena and it’s not Brock doing nothing. As long as it's not a double count out. Yeesh, that would be terrible.