In a move that has left wrestling fans around the world scratching their heads, WWE has said that Brock Lesnar will be defending his Universal Championship in a pay-per-view on July 9, 2017, in Dallas, Texas. No, you misunderstand. Brock Lesnar actually wrestling (instead of jumping around while his advocate Paul Heyman cuts a promo) isn’t the big news here. What has shocked the world is that WWE’s next pay-per-view will be simply entitled- ‘Great Balls of Fire’.
No, the parody bit of our article hasn't even begun so far. WWE, a company that employs a sizeable creative team that gets paid for their ideas, has thought of this puzzling name for their event. What could have spurred such a strange decision? We give you 5 probable scenarios so that you don’t lie awake in bed, tossing and turning, completely aghast.
#5 Shane McMahon wanted to relive his most electrifying moment
Shane McMahon has had a fabulous career in sports entertainment, giving his fans many splendid moments. Unfortunately, much like Mick Foley, people remember the times he was bruised, battered, bashed up and completely obliterated, more than the times that he actually came away with a victory. Of course, you cannot look at Shane McMahon and not think of the time Kane hung him on a ring post and electrocuted his male reproductive organs.
You just can't. While Shane McMahon remains a popular figure even today, one assumes that he remembers the time he had ‘great balls of fire’ more fondly. The pay-per-view name may be a test to tickle his fancy, or merely a ‘test tickle’. You decide.
#4 Platform to launch the Ball-ywood Boyz
Jinder Mahal surpassed Apu from The Simpsons to become the most talked about Indian in the world last week when he won a 6-pack challenge and became the Number 1 contender for Randy Orton’s WWE Championship. Joining him were Gurv and Harv, or Sunil and Samir, or The Singh Brothers or the two Indian jobbers nobody still really cares about. We like to call them the Ball-ywood Boyz. And to launch them to the moon (or at least to Ember Moon's league), Vince McMahon thought of a great concept- ‘Great Balls of Fire’.
Our reporters have found that the two brothers were experimenting with Tabasco Sauce in their trunks backstage, at the insistence of WWE Officials, to celebrate the name. We were informed they still did not have Jinder Mahal's physique, except in certain areas of their anatomy.
#3 To discourage low blows
Unfortunately, the referees employed by WWE are easily distracted and physically fragile beings. When their backs are turned or when they fall unconscious from a feather touch, Superstars resort to nefarious means to eventually win their matches. Well, WWE won’t stand for such nonsense anymore. They want their action to be viewed as real sports, like TNA.
With the name ‘Great Balls of Fire’, WWE superstars will thereby be discouraged from attempting low blows. Sure, Kane might still try his luck as he enjoys being burned, but chances are it will affect his political career if he does indeed injure his opponents with low blows. Unfortunately, this stipulation won’t discourage the wrestlers from using tables, ladders, chairs, belts, bells, sledgehammers, bats, sticks and dustbins when the referees are down.
#2 ‘Roman Empire: In Your House’ wasn’t an option
Our sources backstage say that Mr McMahon loves his real son Roman Reigns far more than his adopted children- Shane and Stephanie McMahon. In his honour, Vince McMahon wanted to name this pay-per-view- Roman Empire: In Your House. Kevin Dunn reminded McMahon that the entire house still wasn’t his, Roman just owned the yard now.
Triple H then told the Chairman of the Board that the name was awful. Roman Reigns reminded McMahon of nothing but just said – ‘Oooooaaaaaa’. Well, we must agree, ‘Great Balls of Fire’ is a massive improvement. Ummm, or is it?
Also read: 5 Reasons Roman Reigns is pushed despite all the hatred
#1 Ultimately, WWE just wants you to have a ball
Believe it or not, WWE is all about the ball and the fire. There's, of course, the beach ball that makes its appearance every year on the Raw after Wrestlemania. There's Lana who every man wants to invite to the ball as his beloved date. There’s ‘straight fire’, which is Becky Lynch’s battle cry. There’s ‘you're fired’, which is what happens every year during the annual spring cleaning ritual. Well, now there’s ‘Great Balls of Fire’, your brand new pay-per-view. We have a feeling that whoever faces Brock Lesnar may need them badly.
PS: This article is completely in jest and not meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. We’re looking forward to the PPV, as much as everyone else in the entire wrestling community.
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