This weekend, get ready to see all the Raw brand belts defended at Clash of Champions! Does that sound a little off to you, too? Didn’t it use to be something like Night Of The Champions or Clash Of The Night Champs or Nights Of The Clash Table or something? Just me? Cool, whatever…
So we got 5 championship matches: Universal, Raw Women’s, United States, Raw Tag Team, and the newly returning (kinda sorta) Cruiserweight belts. The Cruiserweight was originally a Smackdown belt between 2001-2007, and before that it was a WCW exclusive, starting in 1991. Technically it’s the oldest belt being defended this Sunday besides the US belt, which is weird and confusing and history is hard for a dum-dum like me...
...but I’m excited! There are some pretty great matches on the card, with some pretty great wrestlers. And I feel like we haven’t had a Pay Per View in like, a fortnight. That’s a super long measurement of time, right? So let’s get into my personal predictions for WWE Presents: Raw Presents: Clash Of Champions!
#1 We’re gonna need a bigger show
TJ Perkins won the first ever Cruiserweight Classic, bringing tiny wrestlers from all over the world to compete under the WWE name for a tall statue and bragging rights. Probably some money, too. Honestly, TJ was a surprise win for me, beating four wrestlers i had picked to, at the very least, make it further than he did. Johnny Gargano and Kota Ibushi were my top two picks. I’m terrible at betting.
But the bigger story during the CWC was Brian Kendrick’s redemption. This is his THIRD shot in WWE, after leaving to compete on The Price Is Right, with only moderate success. Upon his return as a trainer, he was given the ungodly task of training Eva Marie. The job paid off when one day someone, maybe even Kendrick himself, was like “Dude can still GO!”
So he was entered into the tournament and pulled out one of the best matches of the whole series in the quarterfinals against favourite Kota Ibushi. He was back and looked better than I think anyone expected. He hit Ibushi with a freaking BURNING HAMMER. That move has a serious history to it. It was made famous by Kenta Kobashi. Kenta wrestled for over 25 years. He used the Burning Hammer 7 times. He won all 7 of the matches with it.
THE Brian Kendrick waited a long time to get to this point. Now is the time he wins gold again. TJ was a great choice for the niche tournament on The Network. But now, with more eyes on him at Clash, is the time for his years of work to be rewarded. Arise, Spanky, Arise!
#2 The Good, The Bad, And The Booty
OK, now that we’re easing out of ball-centric promos and half-hearted matches between The Club and the current Raw Tag Team Champions, The New Day, we have a chance to get to a serious feud. New Day is still too happy-go-goofy and The Club has barely a spark of malice as of late. Their match can, and should, change that. I see The Club going full bulldozer (fulldozer?) and destroying Kofi Kingston, Big E, and Xavier Woods. Bloodshed, or as close to it as they’re allowed. Leading to a blood feud. And then…
Bullet Club Blood War
AJ Styles was the assumed leader of The Club, but he was separated from his boys and now he’s over on Smackdown doing something or other, probably jobbing to Apollo Crews. Anyway, Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson need a leader, and what better time to bring one in than when they’re outgunned 2 to 3 at CoC? I’m not bold enough to predict WHO will be the Leader Of The Club, but I will predict SOMEONE will step up to fill the role.
(Fine, I think it’s Kenny Omega. Quote me*)
#3 HarderBetterFasterStronger
A lot of people think a lot of things about Cesaro vs Sheamus’s Best of 7 (+2) matches. Me? I think every time those two guys get in the ring together hoss’ magic is made real. Watch these two in any match they’ve had with each other. They hit harder, take hits better, can move like they’re made of T-1000 technologies, are stronger, and can speak 5 different languages between the two of them. Sure that’s all Cesaro but Sheamus can speak at least one of them as well.
The matches in this series (that we’ve seen) have all been middle-of-the-road in comparison to what these guys have shown us, and the excitement was hindered by the fact that when Sheamus went up 3-0 in the series we all went “well yeah, of course, this is going to 7.” But that doesn’t mean this 7th (9th) match won’t steal the entire show. These guys have the tools and the talent.
Cesaro takes it in a crazy good match, then gets a “championship opportunity,” whatever that means.
#4 RUSEV FORE7ER
Rusev will alway be a good guy in my eyes. I’ve been over this at length before so let us not dwell on shoddy bookings of the past. The future is now, and also hopefully the next 7 years. Rusev claimed he will hold the United States Championship for that long and who am I to doubt him?
Roman Reigns is decidedly NOT on a roll since returning from his suspension earlier this summer. He can’t win a big match, and if does, it’s with the help of his bronemy, Seth Rollins (?). So he was all “I hate other people experiencing love, Foley, put me in a match for the US belt.” And Mick said “Sure, I don’t have a reputation or anything.” and then Roman went “Unless there’s more chances for the Universal Championship. I’ll take those, too.” Mick Foley was last seen in a fetal position, clutching his Mankind mask.
Pop Quiz: Why does Roman even have a shot at the title?
Rusev now. Rusev forever.**
#5 Bayley’s gonna save you
Charlotte is walking in as Raw’s Women’s Champion, and she will walk out.
With the belt. Sorry, trailed off a little there.
The most exciting part about this match is the fact that it’s Bayley’s first PPV since debuting on Raw proper. She won’t win, she still need time to infect the larger audience with hugs and wacky inflatable wavy arms guy-itis. It’ll happen, but if we learned anything from her NXT years, we know the slow burn will work to her advantage.
She may also help ground the other two women a little so no one dies. It’s Bayley, dammit, she can perform miracles.
Common sense says Sasha Banks gets the win back after Charlotte tried to literally break her in half at SummerSlam but you know i have little sense of the common nature. I think we get swerved and Charlotte keeps it longer than we thought. Possibly with help from secret genius Dana Brooke. Bonus points if Emma makes a return.
#6 This match is gonna be...IT
Sami Zayn is gonna fight Kevin Owens forever. No matter how many times they say “This is the last one.” They’re back to hammering each other’s noggins and tossing their own bodies at the other one. They’ve been doing it for over a decade and they’ll continue to do so, because every time they square off, it’s magic.
You know who’s also magic? Jericho. Y2J is actually a goddamn wizard right now as KO’s “best” friend. He’s like 1990s Chris Jericho, reading lists in the ring and trying (successfully) to get the flat out dumbest catchphrases over with the crowd. But now he dresses like he’s going to a Pick-Up Artist convention. It’s pure brilliance, you stupid idiot!***
Sami’s best match of the year, in my opinion, was his match with Owens at Battleground. The emotion shown in the ring was beyond reproach. It was heartbreaking and life affirming and the highlight of the entire card and then Sami just kinda...floated. Just under the top of the card, sometimes not even being on it. So what better way to get that fire lit again then battle his ex-best friend’s CURRENT best friend? It made sense in high school so it will definitely work here.
Oh, also, Jericho is working his ass off in the ring and making everybody look good. Dude is a consummate professional and Zayn is one of the best wrestlers in the world today. Sami’s also no rookie, so this match should be a perfect reintroduction of his worth to the WWE Universe. Sami gets the win in the Match Of The Night.
#7 Is this really happening?
I’m still floored that Kevin Owens is the Universal Champion on the flagship show, Raw. You tell me that a year ago, maybe even 6 months ago, and my response would be laughter and then obscenities hurled in your direction for getting my hopes up.
But here we are. A little unfortunate, it took a detour to get here when Finn Balor got injured AND won the Universal belt, only to crushingly return his new prize the very next night. Serious bummer, but Owens is a perfect heel champion. He’s got chops in the ring, chops on the mic, and he just seems to know exactly how to be handling this newfound role as the top dude on the top show.
Enter Seth Rollins, who seems to be in the middle of a full face turn, hungry for the gold he thinks he still rightfully deserves. And he does. Seth works harder than maybe anyone else in the locker room and it shows. But he’s not gonna take it from Kevin Owens at Clash Of Champions. Right now it’s Owens’ time. It’s Owens’ time, down here.
Up there? I don’t care. It’s awesome down here. Just stay away from Troy’s Bucket.
KO FTW.
#8 Which way did they go?
So where is everybody’s favourite cartoon character tag team, Enzo & Big Cass? I don’t know, but I bet they show up and say something. Possibly in Puerto Rico, the Shining Star of the Carribean. Probably in Indiana but I know less about Indiana than I do Puerto Rico so I have no jokes for that.
They show up at some point. That’s all I got.
Thanks for reading, and remember: Reading is super cool, no matter what your parents say.
*don’t quote me, but if you do, spell my name right.**Forever = 7 years***I don’t think you’re a stupid idiot, please don’t fight me.
Bayley gives us a HUGE update on a top Superstar's upcoming return RIGHT HERE.
