'The John Cena House Rules'
I don’t know if you know this but John Cena is a very successful pro wrestler. That’s his dining room up there, filled with loved ones and almost-food and rules. He loves his house so much he made his girlfriend sign a contract to live there with him. Surprisingly, no tables were flipped during the contract signing, except for emotional ones.
Big Match John Cena lays out the perfectly normal guidelines to living in his house during their first Downton Abbey Family Dinner. The list of The Cena House Rules (thanks, E!, for that up-to-date movie reference) is longer than Chris Jericho’s list of 1,004 moves. Some highlights:
-Keep track of your laundry/No towels on the floor-Make your bed everyday-Downton Abbey Family Dinner once a week on Wednesdays-All rooms are off limits unless it’s an emergency-Coffee and bonfires when Old Man John says so-Always ask permission for anything-No gambling-No shoes in the house except for at Downton Abbey Family Dinners-No pooping-Johnny Ace is allowed to be there-You WILL be shot in the face if you don’t text Cena with your exact location at all times
Brie and Daniel are all like “What's a laundries? This place is strange. Our dog is people!”
Nikki gets neck surgery, to remove a large piece of steak tartare, so she can continue to wrestle professionally. She invites Brie, Bryan, and Josie to live with her and John so they can help her as she recovers.
This strikes me as kind of insensitive since Bryan was just forced to retire from wrestling, you know, his favourite thing in the world. But D-Bry is a super nice dude who would do anything to help his family, even if that means getting castrated via intimidation tactics from his robot sister-in-law.
It’s not Nikki’s fault, though, she’s just following orders from Home Owner John Cena.
Quick note about Brother JJ: I remember thinking he was a putz in Total Divas, but aside from Bryan, he’s easily the best character in the show. He’s genuinely nice and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. It may be by default but I’ll take what I can get
