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Total Bellas, Episode 4: Bryan's Song

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In this episode we learn that toilet humor, while fun, can't fix everything. The only prescription is MORE toilet humor. Send help.

Even Cena was like “This episode is too crappy to stick around”

Welcome To Onomatopoeia

 

Previously on Total Bummers: JJ tricked his mom into giving him 20% of her flip flop company, while Nikki and Cena struggled with words and conversation. Brie left town for work, so Bryan talked with Sami Zayn at the Performance Center.

That’s not important but I love that Sami was on the show. Bryan revealed that he’s been battling depression and anxiety since he was 25, and currently, and everything sucked and I just want this episode to be a just a little uplifting and goofy. Can we get some double entendres and cool wrestler cameos, please?

*deep breath*

Hi, everybody! Out of the gate, we have Brie explaining how acting different makes you be different and environments dictate drinking habits or something, and Nikki is not cool with Brie drinking less. The girl who is practically a prisoner in a Cenatentiary is giving social advice to her twin sister, who is gone 5 out of 7 days a week to go to HER JOB.

Are these sisters really doing it for themselves? 

At least this week the girls have graduated from discussing and debating words like “pronoun” to words like “onomatopoeia.” Personally, I think that’s just too big a jump, since I don’t even know if we landed on Nikki understanding what a pronoun is, yet. Nikki’s example of an onomatopoeia is “holy smokes!” and I can feel myself actively getting dumber. 

After making their mom sprint 20 yards and then scoring her, conversation between the Three Bella Kids turns to how Brie use to be the wild party girl and now that she’s married to Bryan she’s more conservative. They call her an adapter because of the way she acts with whomever she’s dating at the time.

All I can tell is, she drinks less, cares for her struggling husband, and dresses her age now, while JJ works for his mommy and Nikki has to sign 75-page contracts, so she can use the good towels. (Please don’t make me turn on JJ, fake TV show.) She’s been with Bryan for 5 years, by the way.

Then, referring to her new neck, Nikki said “bone stimulation” and NOBODY MADE A JOKE. This show is now see-sawing between heartbreaking and completely useless.

Winston ate some more of his own poop because Winston is my self-hating Animagus when I watch this show.

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