Bizarre happenings in the cricket world

At the press conference after the game in Centurion, Harbhajan Singh elucidated the reason for India’s defeat.

Singh Is King

“When we were 277-6 in the second innings, still trailing by 200 runs, I thought to myself that this was the perfect platform for me to demonstrate my batting abilities. I even told Sreesanth (my best buddy after the slap-gate incident) that he should be prepared for a long stay at the crease and together, we would create history. The poor boy was quite excited too. He knew what consequences annoying me had (refer to the slap-gate incident, April 2008).”

But damn!! Tendulkar got his 50^th test century. It was then that I decided that I would get out cheaply because even if I would have scored a hundred and saved the match, all the accolades and adulation would go to Sachin for his 50^th century. I am not a person who can stand others getting credit when I did the job for the team. So, I made up my mind that I would play like a typical tail ender and not trouble the bowlers. I know it was very gracious of me to let Tendulkar steal the limelight. See, how generous of me!!” he chuckled.

Look at what price India had to pay for my sacrifice. We had to lose the test because of Sachin’s selfishness!! But nobody is bothered about it. All they care for is Sachin’s 50^th test century. It’s not that Sachin is a bad batsman but people often forget how Sachin’s improved in his batting since the time I started playing for India. And come on, in terms of sheer entertainment, Sachin pales. The guy can neither hit sixes like me, nor can he dance like me, man!!” he thundered.

At this point, all the journalists left the room fearing for their lives and we are sorry to inform that we do not know what transpired at the press conference after Harbhajan’s remarks.

Meanwhile, everyone’s going gaga over the ‘other’ Mitchell Johnson. This has led to an investigation by the ICC whether the person who went about with the name Mitchell Johnson in the third test is the same as the one who got clobbered for a 170 runs without taking a wicket. Speculations are rife that Johnson had a twin all along and he’s the one who played in the last match at Perth. Sources also indicate that Johnson was inspired by Alexander Dumas’, ‘The Man In The Iron Mask’ and Christian Bale’s portrayal in ‘The Prestige’. We shall keep you updated with the progress of the investigation.

In other news, Ijaz Butt, has announced an ambitious plan to out beat the BCCI. He was reported saying, “ What does the BCCI think of itself? Is it the cleverest cricket board in the world? Well, they are going to find that the PCB is going to give them a run for their money. Until now, viewers only got bored of the insane amount of India- Sri Lanka cricket that was played over last couple of years. With Justin Vaughan and NZC’s support, we are hoping to generate greater heights of boredom for the spectators and create history with zero crowd turn up at the matches.”

He also added that last year’s home series versus New Zealand in New Zealand and this year’s away tour of New Zealand were part of this grand plan. “We are hoping that like last year and this year, we will be back next year. We simply love New Zealand and love to play cricket in this country.”

His scheming mind also revealed that with no spectator interest, the bookies will stay away from the cricketers and this will bring down corruption levels in Pakistan cricket. “Bloody smart thinking, eh?” he said as the flabbergasted gathering could only nod in approval.

Justin Vaughan, NZC chief executive also was pleased at the prospect of having abysmally low turn-out for the matches. “With New Zealand cricket hitting rock bottom in the series against Bangladesh, we are happy to host Pakistan. Pakistan, with all its off- field drama have ensured that crowds will stay away from cricket. This means we won’t have to embarrass ourselves in front of our own people”, he said complacently.

The author wishes to inform the readers that this is purely a work of fiction and there is no intention to malign or discredit all the cricketers and administrators mentioned. The author has the greatest respect for all of them and hopes they will continue playing cricket for a very long time and give their fans lots of moments to savor and cherish.