Satire: Five things that would have happened if Kumar Sangakkara wasn't a cricketer

Sri Lanka’s greatest cricketer of all-time, Kumar Sangakkara (I consider the likes of Arjuna Ranatunga, Sanath Jayasuriya, Muttiah Muralitharan and Mahela Jayawardene to have never played International cricket for Lanka) turns 40 today. As a part of his birthday celebrations, a huge ceremony took place at the historic Sinhalese Sports Club (SSC) in Colombo, a venue that will go down in the history books as Sangakkara Slaughter Center (SSC).

During the ceremony, a fan quoted, “I wasn’t born when Don Bradman played cricket. But, I was lucky enough to witness Sangakkara, the legend (ya, he actually meant it) bat and smash the bowlers(Someone please wake him up from his slumber) all over the park.”

Another fan got emotional and while shedding tears (tears of joy?), went on to speak of all that could have happened had Sangakkara not played cricket. Hmmm, this seems interesting.

On that note, here are some events that would have transpired had Sangakkara not been a professional cricketer.

Disclaimer: This article is a work of fiction.

#1 Don Bradman would have been the greatest batsman of all-time

Don Bradman would have breathed a lot easier in Sanga’s absence

How often in the recent past have you seen people praising Kumar Sangakkara as the greatest batsman of all-time? Some Lankan fans went overboard by calling him the best after Bradman or the left-handed Don Bradman. Few fans even exaggerated by terming him something that I don't wish to say here.

This is evident by the fact that Sangakkara went on to win the ‘Greatest ODI player of all-time’ poll conducted by Cricket Australia beating the likes of Virat Kohli and Sanath Jayasuriya before beating Sachin Tendulkar by a huge margin in the finals. But, there are allegations that his fans used bots to cast the votes and that might be the reason why ‘shhhhhh.’

Bradman and Sangakkara in the same league? I just said this statement to my colleague sitting next to me and he started laughing as if he had just witnessed a comic flick on TV. If Sangakkara wasn't a cricketer, Bradman’s fame as the greatest of all time would have been safe.

#2 Tennis’ GOAT

Would Rod Laver’s legacy would have been safe?

Recently, AB de Villiers dismissed the claims of him excelling in various sports including Hockey, Tennis, Rugby, Football, Badminton, Swimming, Running etc. But, Kumar Sangakkara excelled in Badminton, Tennis, Swimming, Table Tennis and Cricket at the junior school level. He also went a step ahead of AB and won national colors for Badminton and Tennis at a young age.

It was then that the Principal of Trinity College, Leonard de Alwis, advised his mother to encourage Sangakkara to concentrate on Cricket (bricks and bouquets to de Alwis). This reminds me of Mr. Keshav Bannerjee advising MS Dhoni to take up Cricket when he was doing well in Football.

If not for de Alwis' advice and the amount of talent Sangakkara has, it wouldn't have been a surprise if Sangakkara had surpassed Rod Laver to become the Greatest Tennis Player of All-time. Will it be apt to call him the best after Laver?

Don’t forget that both Don Bradman and Rod Laver are Australians. Best after Bradman? Best after Laver? Is it a co-incidence? Or is it Sangakkara’s destiny that took him to the wrong Aussie?

#3 R Ashwin wouldn’t have retired Sangakkara

Ashwin would have had to be content with de Villiers or Williamson

R Ashwin has the knack of getting the wicket of the opposition’s best batsman on a consistent basis. He did that with South Africa’s AB de Villiers when South Africa lost the 4-match series 3-0 in 2015 and Kane Williamson in India’s 3-0 win over the Kiwis earlier this month.

But it all started with Ashwin dismissing Kumar Sangakkara on all four occasions in his farewell series. But why is Sangakkara’s name coming up when we talk about the opposition’s best batsman? Anyways, Sangakkara’s International career came to an end with Ashwin dismissing him for the fourth and final time in that series.

So, it is safe to say R Ashwin ended Sangakkara’s career. This might be delusional, but this was also something that Saeed Ajmal said after dismissing Sachin Tendulkar in his final ODI innings.

#4 Kumar Sangakkara B.A.B.L

Sangakkara(L) is a big fan of the ‘appeal’

How many of you know that Kumar Sangakkara is a studious kid, who excelled in his studies right from his childhood. He was awarded the highest honor of Trinity College, the Ryde Gold Medal, for the best all-round student and also gave an Advanced Level Examination in the Arts stream in 1996.

He went on to follow his father’s footsteps (his father is a lawyer in Kandy) and decided to study Law. He joined the Law Faculty of the University of Colombo, but his dreams of becoming a lawyer were short lived as he was unable to finish his degree due to his cricketing commitments. Law’s loss is cricket’s gain or should it be the other way around?

With the talent (remember the Shaun Pollock sledging and the 2011 World Cup finals toss?) he has, he could have gone on to become one of the top lawyers of Sri Lanka as he is someone who ‘appeals’ very well.

#5 Steve Smith or Rohit Sharma would have been the G(FTB)OAT

Rohit Sharma would lay claim to the title of Greatest Flat Track Bully of All Time

Flat Track Bully - a term that is used to describe a batsman who scores well only on flat decks. In the current generation, the list includes Steve Smith, Rohit Sharma (ah, being his die-hard fan, I hate to include his name here), Johnson Charles etc.

But there is a cricketer who can be considered the godfather of flat track bullies (FTBs). Someone like Kumar Sangakkara, who has scored over 25,000 International runs has ticked all the boxes that one should have to be called the Godfather of FTBs.

If Sangakkara wasn’t a cricketer, either Steve Smith or Rohit Sharma would have been the greatest FTB of all-time. As a fan of Rohit, I thank Mr. de Alwis for bringing Sangakkara into cricket and preventing Rohit from being called as the G(FTB)OAT.

NOTE: The writer is a huge fan of Sangakkara’s batting, something which any cricket fan is and rates his cover drive and pull shot as the best in the business. The writer also hopes that this article is taken with a pinch of salt.