Satire: 5 things that can happen in cricket in 2017

CRICKET-IND-NZL : News Photo
Rohit Sharma will finally give fans reason to celebrate

2016 is all set to come to an end and 2017 is set to be a memorable year for cricket fans as there are a number of tournaments scheduled to take place in the next calendar year. The 2017 ICC Champions Trophy tops the list of important cricket tournaments that also include the much-anticipated India vs Australia series, the Ashes, the T20 leagues around the world and a few others.

Though we are guaranteed quite a few things like the Fab four (Virat Kohli, Steve Smith, Kane Williamson, Joe Root) scoring runs throughout the year, R Ashwin taking wickets in Tests, Mitchell Starc bowling yorkers, and a Pakistani batting collapse, there are few things that might not happen in the 365 days of 2017.

On that note, let us take a look at few things that might happen in 2017.

Note: This article is a work of fiction and has nothing to do with reality. Please don't take it seriously.


#1 Rohit Sharma retiring from Tests

Things that died in 2016 - USA, Kickass Torrents, Harambe, Brock Lesnar and finally, Rohit Sharma’s place in the Test team. Karun Nair's recent triple-century not only sealed his spot in Test cricket but also diminished Rohit Sharma's chances of a recall.

The Indian opener in the limited-overs format might have scored tons of runs in ODIs, but he is just as consistent in failing in Tests as R Ashwin is at taking wickets in this format. With Ajinkya Rahane certain to get his place in the Test team when he returns from injury, Rohit will have to fight it out with Karun for the sixth batsman's spot if Kohli decides to go in with 7 batsmen and 4 bowlers.

Given the affinity of Kohli towards Rohit, it won't be a surprise if the skipper decides to go back to square one, i.e. replacing Cheteshwar Pujara with Rohit Sharma in the XI. This will be as baseless as removing Kohli from the ODI team and replacing him with Stuart Binny.

We all know that Rohit is a team man and will not favour Kohli's decision to drop Pujara for him. So, to avoid this selection headache, Rohit Sharma will announce his retirement from the format and work towards becoming a legend in the shorter formats. Imagine the number of ODI double hundreds he will score if he concentrates only on ODIs and T20Is.

#2 Royal Challengers Bangalore winning the IPL

Image result for rcb celebrate
RCB set to relinquish their ‘chokers’ tag

Vijay Mallya’s Royal Challengers Bangalore have the strongest team on paper in the IPL and can challenge any T20 team across the world. They have the best batsman in the world at the moment (Virat Kohli), best pacer in the world at the moment (Mitchell Starc), best ever T20 batsman (Chris Gayle), Mr. 360 (AB de Villiers), as well as one of only three Indians to have scored a century in all three formats (KL Rahul).

With such a team, most people would be forgiven for thinking that RCB have lifted the trophy at least a couple of times in the past. But, in reality, the only time the RCB captain (along with Delhi Daredevils and Kings XI Punjab captain) gets to touch the IPL trophy is during the opening ceremony of the IPL.

Yes, the Virat Kohli-led side is yet to win the IPL even once and the only thing they are doing consistently since the first season is giving the South African cricket a fitting tribute as they somehow manage to find a way to choke in pressure situations (maybe, because of the presence of few South African Internationals, who are very famous for choking in high-pressure matches). But, remember that next year is their year.

#3 Shahid Afridi making a comeback

ICC World Twenty20 India 2016: New Zealand v Pakistan : News Photo
I will be back!

Few things that are certain in life - birth, death, taxes and Shahid Afridi coming out of retirement. There were reports that the Pakistani all-rounder, who retired from ODIs right after the 50 over World Cup in 2015 is at loggerheads with the PCB over a farewell game as his T20I retirement is just around the corner. But, the ever 16-year-old all-rounder dismissed such reports and said he wants to play more matches for his country.

With his comments coming out of the blue, one cannot bet against Afridi making a comeback in the ODI format. Afridi, who is yet to win a World Cup or a Champions Trophy, will call for a press conference soon and announce his intentions of making a comeback to ODI cricket again.

Without a second thought, the PCB selectors will pick him in the 15-member squad for the Champions Trophy as they are yet to find someone who can be as valuable to the team as Afridi was during his playing days (Will there be anyone as effective as Afridi for Pakistan in the future? Hell No).

Afridi won’t forget the last time England hosted an ICC event as he took his side to victory in the 2009 World T20. He will look to repeat the heroics from 2009 when he dons the Pakistani jersey again in the 2017 Champions Trophy.

#4 Australia whitewashing India

Australia v Pakistan - 2nd Test: Day 3 : News Photo
Starc is ready for India

“Virat is a very emotional character out on the field. I guess for us as a team it's trying to get him out of the strong emotional state and try and make him, I guess, a little bit angry and ruffle his feathers and things like that.” Remember these lines from Steve Smith?

The most anticipated series in 2017, the Border-Gavaskar Trophy featuring four Test matches between India and Australia in India will be a big challenge for Virat Kohli’s men as they look to win their seventh consecutive series (yeah, if India beats the mighty Bangladeshis) under him. But, it is not as easy as people think as this Australian team has a plan for each and every individual.

Ruffling Kohli up will be a masterstroke by the Aussies as he is someone who loses his cool and gifts his wicket when someone gets under his skin. Former Australian pacer Mitchell Johnson and all-rounder James Faulkner have done it successfully in the past and Smith has decided to take a cue from them for the upcoming series.

Australia are known for their mind games and that is the reason why they have let the likes of Mohammad Amir, Wahab Riaz, Yasir Shah and Sohail Khan score runs so that the Indian batsmen will get complacent against Mitchell Starc and co. and it will allow the visiting bowlers to bring in their A-game when it is needed the most.

If they can reveal the plan they have for Virat Kohli in public a couple of months before the start of the series, just imagine how confident Smith will be against the Indian tailenders which include Ravindra Jadeja, R Ashwin and Jayant Yadav. Even if their batsmen are dismissed cheaply, the Australian bowlers are good enough to dismiss India for a very low score and win the series 4-0.

#5 Bangladesh winning the 2017 ICC Champions Trophy

Image result for bangladesh  celebrate
A sign of things to come?

Do you remember the moment that changed the cricketing world in 2015? The moment that could have been the underdog story of the millennium. In case you are wondering what the moment is, just down go down memory lane to the MCG where Bangladesh took on India in the quarter-finals of the cricketing extravaganza.

If the Bangladesh Tigers had won the match, they would have defeated the hosts Australia easily in the semis and, in the finals, co-hosts New Zealand would have handed them a walkover fearing the wrath of the Tigers.

But, to end the Bangladeshi domination that never began, the umpires committed a few blunders and ensured India won the match. Now, however, the Tigers have a good chance of winning the 2017 ICC Champions Trophy in England. After 12 years, the Bangladesh cricket team will finally take part in the tournament as the other teams had requested them not to take part in the last three editions to give them a chance of winning.

People who underestimate them forget that they are capable of chasing 500 runs in an ODI (as stated by their batsman Sabbir Rahman) and can go for the kill if they are batting first. Watch out, Mitchell Starc, Kagiso Rabada, and Tim Southee, the Bangladeshi batsmen are going to take the 2017 ICC Champions Trophy by storm.

If you ask me, it’s better to withdraw from the tournament as Mashrafe Mortaza’s men are set to compete in it.

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