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Virat Kohli addressed the media ahead of the fourth Test against England in Mumbai starting tomorrow. We try to understand what the Indian skipper said, and what he truly meant through his comments in the press-conference.Disclaimer: This is written as a satirical article, and should not be taken literally.
On the long gap between the third Test and fourth Test, and whether it has benefited the team
What he said: “We didn’t ask for the gap. When we go there (to England), we will make sure we have a long gap between the Test and ODI series. However, seeing the long season in front of us, the break did us no harm. It also helped us reflect on what we have done, visualise and come back fresher. So, we have benefited from the gap.”
What he truly meant: “We didn’t ask for the gap. When we go there (to England), we will make sure we have a long gap between the Test and ODI series so that I can go out shopping with Anushka in London. However, seeing the long season infront of us, the break allowed me keep my Instagram handle active by posting selfies on a regular basis. It also helped me promote my clothing line, Wrogn .So, my side-businesses have benefited from the gap.”
Also read: Satire: Yuvraj-Hazel wedding as it happened on November 30
On the importance of spending time with family despite a hectic schedule
What he said: “It is very important. When you go home between the series you cannot completely switch off, because as a captain, you still have to visualise about your performances and think about combinations, but not too much. But then again, you also have to enjoy life away from the profession.”
What he truly meant: “It is very important. When you go home between the series you cannot completely switch off, because as a captain, you still have Gautam Gambhir and Amit Mishra sending you cute Whatsapp texts, trying to trick you into including them into the eleven. But then again, you also have to enjoy life away from the profession, and keep your phone switched off.”
On the role of fast bowlers:
What he said: “They have worked at their consistency, having the required patience to not come at the batsman all the time. For that, you need to get fitter, bowl those disciplined, fourth-fifth stump lines. If you bowl at the batsman after three-four overs, he’ll score 25 runs that will turn the session completely, as opposed to the 4-5 runs in those overs that will keep the batsman under check. It is a routine they have been part of, they have not been desperate to pick up five wickets and look to tire the batsman so that he makes a mistake. For that you have to be physically and mentally stronger. The key is to not be desperate or selfish, and that is what they have done.”
What he truly meant: ”They have worked at their consistency, having the required patience to bore the viewers before Ashwin and Jadeja come into the attack and pick all the wickets, waking up the 500 odd-spectators from their slumber.”
On the availability of KL Rahul and Mohammed Shami
What he said: “Rahul is fine. As far as Mohammed Shami is concerned, he felt some soreness in the knee. We will have to take a collective decision, you don’t want to push a player so much so that you lose him for the rest of the season.”
What he truly meant: ”Rahul is fine, and is likely to get injured again after the Mumbai Test. As far as Mohammed Shami is concerned, we will have to take a collective decision because, you don’t want to injure the only decent fast bowler in the country, and rely on Umesh Yadav for the rest of the season”
On the injuries to pacers, and how concerned he is with it
What he said: “I am not worried because the guys outside are eagerly waiting for opportunities. It is great for the team.”
What he truly meant: ”I am not worried because the guys outside are eagerly waiting for opportunities. Not Ishant Sharma though. He is waiting to get married. It’s on December 9. It is great for the media companies”
On Jayant Yadav’s performances:
What he said: “I am very impressed. I have never played with an all-rounder who I haven’t had to tell anything. He is pretty confident of his skill, and that comes with professionalism. He practices his skill very well, he is a great package and you will see a lot more match-winning performances from him. He has all the skills needed to be a very good Test player.”
What he truly meant: ”I am very impressed. I have never played with an all-rounder who I haven’t had to tell anything, given the fact that Jaddu was the only all-rounder I had in my team who kept his brain in the dressing room whenever he came out on the field.”
Concerns with the form of Rahane and Vijay and the role of the lower order
What he said: “Lower order contributions help big time. Also, both Ajinkya and Vijay are solid players, Vijay scored a hundred in the first Test of the series. It is all about covering for the other guy. That’s how the team goes forward. We don’t pick out players, saying that they aren’t playing well.”
What he truly meant: “Lower order contributions save us from being humiliated big time. Also, both Ajinkya and Vijay are solid players, Vijay scored a hundred in the first Test of the series. It is all about resting on past laurels when you are an Indian cricketer. We don’t pick out players, saying that they aren’t playing well. If we also did that, what will the media do?”
On the fact that Kohli has not retained the same XI for any of the Tests that he has captained
What he said: “It has been a mix bag of people getting injured, at the same time we are playing suitable players, especially the bowlers. The priority is to win games. The batting order hasn't changed much. Injuries never feel nice, but the forced changes have come off really well.”
What he truly meant: ”It has been a mix bag of people getting injured, at the same time we are playing suitable players, especially the bowlers. The priority is to not get myself or Ashwin injured. Injuries never feel nice, especially when the IPL is just three-months away.”
When asked about the big gap between the third and the fourth Test, and whether the team had lost the momentum it had gained with two consecutive wins, Kohli replied with a firm no, and held his gaze at the reporter for a few seconds. As the others burst out laughing, he stood up, gave a sly smile, and walked off.
(No, we didn’t make the last part up)For all the actual news and latest happenings in the world of cricket, visit Sportskeeda Cricket.
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