Satire: 5 possible newspaper headlines if Kevin Pietersen plays for South Africa in 2019

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Kevin Pietersen has expressed his interest to play for South Africa in 2019

Kevin Pietersen, controversy's son and the darling of England cricket (err, before the Strauss-era, of course) has sparked a outrage by announcing that he could be in South African colours for the 2019 World Cup scheduled to be held in England.

"You are talking about in two years' time. Would I? Who knows? We'll have to wait and see where I am. I'm in a happy place right now," Pietersen said as revealed by Cricbuzz. "I'm going to be playing a lot of cricket in South Africa over the next two years, so we'll see."

The confusing statements from Pietersen aren't totally irrelevant given the fact that he qualifies to play for the Proteas before 2019. The 37-year old would be 39 by the time World Cup comes to England again but a wounded warrior could just be what the Proteas need to break their World Cup hoodoo. Here we compile a list of five possible headlines that could adorn newspapers in 2019 when Pietersen appears in South African colours.

#5 April 15,2019: "KP named Proteas skipper for World Cup"

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South Africa's 2019 World Cup skipper, Kevin Pietersen

In a controversial move, CSA has named Kevin Pietersen as their skipper for the 2019 World Cup starting next month. The former England batsman had switched allegiance a few months back and after text messages were exchanged with the CSA head, the management were convinced that KP was the right man to lead South Africa in the multi-team event.

CSA's chairman has evidently convinced current captain, Faf du Plessis to step down from captaincy given that Kevin Pietersen could add more value to the post. It is understood that a furious du Plessis has vowed to renew his expired Kolpak deal and switch to England. However, he has been named in the squad for the World Cup as vice-captain.

#4 May 28, 2019 : "Kevin Pietersen sports green hair ahead of World Cup"

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Pietersen has reportedly taken a liking to green

In a show of faith to his new team, South Africa, Kevin Pietersen has dyed his hair green ahead of the World Cup. The swashbuckling batsman had previously sported a blue streak of hair when representing England in his debut Ashes series. As he returns to England soil for a World Cup with the Proteas, KP evidently wants to show love and respect for his country of birth, South Africa.

Graeme Smith, who had criticised Pietersen for switching to England early in his career, applauded the new hairstyle. Smith felt that Pietersen had now justified his comeback to South Africa. He went on to add that the Proteas selectors had done a wonderful job in convincing KP to take on the captaincy mantle.

#3 June 15, 2019: "Jason Holder injures himself before South Africa clash"

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West Indian skipper, Holder, smacked his leg with a bat

West Indian skipper, Jason Holder, has reportedly smashed his leg with a cricket bat ahead of West Indies' Group A clash against South Africa. The tall and lanky Holder is suspected to have had nightmares about bowling to de Villiers-Pietersen pair in the lead up to the encounter against South Africa.

Holder had been bashed for 104 runs in his 10 overs by de Villiers during his record breaking 162* off 66 balls way back in the 2015 World Cup. The West Indian captain complained of stomach pain two days back but the coach seemingly threatened to open the attack with him against South Africa if he failed to train.

It is at this moment that Holder decided to do the extreme step of taking a crack at his long legs. Sportskeeda had approached Holder for his insights into the allegations but he refused to comment on the matter.

#2 June 25, 2019: "Faf du Plessis runs KP and AB out"

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du Plessis ran out his partners in the crucial clash

South Africa suffered a setback in their bid to top Group A in the league stage as they lost by 8 runs to India in the clash at Cardiff. Faf du Plessis was the culprit as he ran both AB de Villiers and Kevin Pietersen out in successive overs to peg South Africa back. The former Proteas skipper, du Plessis, refused to run a quick single as Pietersen found himself stranded midway in the 35th over.

De Villiers, who walked in at the fall of Pietersen's wicket, was South Africa's last hope to chase down the target of 367. But in the next over, du Plessis tucked one to the leg-side and called AB for a run but then refused the single. de Villiers had by then hared to the other end where he found a smiling du Plessis greeting him.

#1 July 6, 2019 : "South Africa crash out of semi-finals as Pietersen announces his new Kolpak deal"

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Pietersen was spotted with blue hair before the semi-final clash

In a series of stunning developments, Kevin Pietersen, the South African skipper, announced on the eve of the semi-final clash against Australia that he would be leaving on another Kolpak deal to England after the 2019 World Cup. A visibly distraught South African unit looked lost in the semi-final in which they won the toss and chose to field.

Steven Smith and co. smashed a mammoth 412 batting first as Pietersen looked least interested in setting proper fields. South Africa dropped quite a few catches and run-out opportunities as Australia piled on the misery.

In South Africa's innings, Pietersen opted to bat at 8 as his newly dyed blue hair hadn't dried yet thus preventing him from wearing a helmet. He hammered a fine hundred in a losing cause from no.8 and later dedicated the century to his fans in England.

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Edited by Amit Mishra
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