Michael Owen was, by all rights, a truly wonderful, explosive player. He was the last ever Englishman to lift the Ballon d’Or and before his injuries took a toll, he set the world alight at Liverpool. Manchester United fans will also fondly remember him for scoring that goal against City in the derby during stoppage time.
However, that does not by any means, make him a good commentator. In the 3 years since he took up the role of a TV pundit on BT Sports, he has, shall we say, perfected the art of an empty one-liner. His endless stream of poorly thought out sentences have earned him quite a bit of stick over the years, and quite rightly so.
Nonetheless, it has given us all quite a bit to laugh. Here is a collection of 20 of the best things he has said since giving up his boots for the microphone.
#20 “It’s a good run, but it’s a poor run, if you know what I mean?”
If anybody knows what he’s talking about, please do let us know.
#19 “Footballers these days often have to use their feet.”
Okay, to be fair I think we know what he meant. But let’s pretend we don’t and ask the question, “What did they use before, then?”
#18 “He looks like a footballer.”
Owen’s description of Manchester United’s Anthony Martial, while donning the red kit of Manchester United, was quite rightly playing football at the time. Truly some insightful stuff there.
#17 “What a shot! That’s completely unstoppable but the goalkeeper has got to do better for me.”
Uhmm, yeeeeeah! If it's unstoppable, then you are saying the goalkeeper can't stop it right? Or are you talking about someone else stopping it?
#16 “He’s elbowed him in the head, but there’s nothing in it for me.”
Heartless. What else is there to say?
#15 “Alderweireld played really well last year for Tottenham, let’s hope he can transfer that form to Spurs this season.”
Okay, who’s going to be the one to tell him that they’re both the same team?
#14 “That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post.”
Brilliant! Before you know it, he’ll be spewing up blasphemy like, “You need to score more than the opposition to win a game”. Surely, he’s not that stupid.
#13 “Whichever team scores more goals usually wins.”
And here, I offer a proverbial shake of the head and let out an audible sigh. And they actually pay him to tell us this.
#12 “That’s a fantastic penalty, but he’ll be gutted it went wide.”
Ah, that Michael Owen. Always so generous in his praise.
#11 “I doubt Everton are going to get anything out of this game.”
Umm, with Liverpool 4-0 up after 50 minutes at Anfield, that is a very intelligent thing to say, we believe, Michael. Well done.
#10) “It’s hit the facial part of his head, there.”
I believe that’s called his face. Next up, watch as he describes a handball as having hit the player’s “handy part of the hand”.
#9 “What a shot! That’s completely unstoppable, but the keeper’s got to do better for me.”
Yes, I’m sure the keeper will try his best next time; just for you Owen.
#8) “What a feeling it is to be a manager and bring someone on.”
His analyses are truly incredible. When one day, Owen takes up a managerial job, we truly do hope he isn't robbed off this feeling. FIFA, please allow all managers to continue making substitutions?
#7 “When they don’t score, they hardly ever win.”
Here’s Michael Owen pinpointing where exactly Manchester City’s problems lie.
#6 “If there’s a bit of rain about, it makes the surface wet.”
A whole new perspective of the phrase “Water is wet”.
#5 “Do they deserve to win? No, Liverpool do. Which is why a draw is a fair result.”
Let me put it simply, draw =/= win.
#4 “Pellegrini will speak to them and City will come out with a fresh set of impetus.”
While they’re at it, they should probably acquire fresh sets of dignities, egos and common sense too.
#3 “To stay in the game, you have to stay in the game.”
Ah, darn. And here I thought I could have a tea-break in the middle.
#2 “When the ball is that still, it’s wobbling in the air.”
Here we have a Michael Owen in its natural habitat, redefining the laws of physics.
#1 “That shot is impossible. I saw Yaya Toure do it once.”
We can clearly see the high regards which Owen holds Yaya in.Published 26 Oct 2016, 12:44 IST