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Top 20 funniest quotes by Michael Owen

Akshay Pai
35.74K   //    26 Oct 2016, 12:44 IST
NORWICH, ENGLAND - MAY 07:  Michael Owen does a piece to camera ahead of the Barclays Premier League match between Norwich City and Manchester United at Carrow Road on May 07, 2016 in Norwich, England.  (Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)
Michael Owen switched to punditry after his playing career and has been the butt of jokes on social media

Michael Owen was, by all rights, a truly wonderful, explosive player. He was the last ever Englishman to lift the Ballon d’Or and before his injuries took a toll, he set the world alight at Liverpool. Manchester United fans will also fondly remember him for scoring that goal against City in the derby during stoppage time.

However, that does not by any means, make him a good commentator. In the 3 years since he took up the role of a TV pundit on BT Sports, he has, shall we say, perfected the art of an empty one-liner. His endless stream of poorly thought out sentences have earned him quite a bit of stick over the years, and quite rightly so.

Nonetheless, it has given us all quite a bit to laugh. Here is a collection of 20 of the best things he has said since giving up his boots for the microphone.

#20 “It’s a good run, but it’s a poor run, if you know what I mean?”

If anybody knows what he’s talking about, please do let us know.


#19 “Footballers these days often have to use their feet.”

Okay, to be fair I think we know what he meant. But let’s pretend we don’t and ask the question, “What did they use before, then?”

#18 “He looks like a footballer.”

Owen’s description of Manchester United’s Anthony Martial, while donning the red kit of Manchester United, was quite rightly playing football at the time. Truly some insightful stuff there.


#17 “They’re outswarming them!”

Uhmm, yeeeeeah! Outswarming isn’t a word.

#16 “He’s elbowed him in the head, but there’s nothing in it for me.”

Heartless. What else is there to say?


#15 “Alderweireld played really well last year for Tottenham, let’s hope he can transfer that form to Spurs this season.”

Okay, who’s going to be the one to tell him that they’re both the same team?

#14 “That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post.”

Brilliant! Before you know it, he’ll be spewing up blasphemy like, “You need to score more than the opposition to win a game”. Surely, he’s not that stupid.


#13 “Whichever team scores more goals usually wins.”

And here, I offer a proverbial shake of the head and let out an audible sigh. And they actually pay him to tell us this.

#12 “That’s a fantastic penalty, but he’ll be gutted it went wide.”

Ah, that Michael Owen. Always so generous in his praise.


#11 “You have to believe your own eyes, don’t you?”

Look up the definition of ‘Pundit’ on Wikipedia and it’ll tell you it is someone who offers his/her opinion to mass media on a particular subject that they’re a scholar on. So, considering his job is to watch matches and offer his expert opinion on them, I do believe he has to use his eyes, yes; and believe them too.

#10) “It’s hit the facial part of his head, there.”

I believe that’s called his face. Next up, watch as he describes a handball as having hit the player’s “handy part of the hand”.


#9 “What a shot! That’s completely unstoppable, but the keeper’s got to do better for me.”

Yes, I’m sure the keeper will try his best next time; just for you Owen.

#8) “I knew it, I knew it! I was going to say Balotelli would score but I didn’t.”

His analyses are truly incredible. You know what would take it to the next level? Maybe actually saying it out.


#7 “When they don’t score, they hardly ever win.”

Here’s Michael Owen pinpointing where exactly Manchester City’s problems lie.

#6 “If there’s a bit of rain about, it makes the surface wet.”

A whole new perspective of the phrase “Water is wet”.


#5 “Do they deserve to win? No, Liverpool do. Which is why a draw is a fair result.”

Let me put it simply, draw =/= win.

#4 “Pellegrini will speak to them and City will come out with a fresh set of impetus.”

While they’re at it, they should probably acquire fresh sets of dignities, egos and common sense too.


#3 “To stay in the game, you have to stay in the game.”

Ah, darn. And here I thought I could have a tea-break in the middle.

#2 “When the ball is that still, it’s wobbling in the air.”

Here we have a Michael Owen in its natural habitat, redefining the laws of physics.


#1 “That shot is impossible. I saw Yaya Toure do it once.”

We can clearly see the high regards which Owen holds Yaya in.

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