“I see nothing”: Bryan Kohberger’s note reveals he had ‘no emotion’ as a teen

Amidst court appearances and massive media speculation, more alleged information about Bryan Kohberger has recently surfaced on the internet. Several social media posts by the suspect in 2011 were acquired by the New York Times, showing certain behavioral patterns.

In a series of posts that the then 16-year-old Kohberger had allegedly made on a mental health forum, the suspected Idaho killer had described himself as someone who felt "no emotion." In 2011, Bryan Kohberger allegedly described his mental state on Tapatalk as seeing "nothing." He wrote:

"I feel like an organic sack of meat with no self-worth. As I hug my family, I look into their faces, I see nothing, it is like I am looking at a video game, but less."

The 28-year-old man, who is the sole suspect in the deaths of four University of Idaho students, also allegedly once told a childhood friend that he wanted to study "high-profile" criminals. He had gone through life as if in a "video game" and felt little to no "remorse" for his actions.

According to the New York Times, the posts were linked to Bryan Kohberger through recollections from childhood friends and a username that matched the email account used by him. The Tapatalk account also includes posts dealing with the suspect's alleged suicidal ideation, challenges with a disorder he described as “visual snow,” and the inability to connect with his family members.

The account that is assumed to be Kohberger's also included posts on self-loathing and regrets about how he was no longer a "healthy blonde-haired boy with blue eyes." The last post made by the user on Tapatalk was in February 2017, where he emphasized that he had come to terms with his visual snow but admitted that the acceptance "could be a bad thing."

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Bryan Kohberger's alleged Tapatalk account shows his views on life as "pointless"

The prime suspect in the quadruple murders of Kaylee Goncalves, Madison Mogen, Xana Kernodle, and Ethan Chapin has been the topic of discussion since his arrest on December 30. Kohberger, who was a doctorate student at Washington State University, has been described by former acquaintances and classmates as someone who "didn't really fit in" with anybody when they were in school.

In a post made on Tapatalk, Bryan Kohberger allegedly talked about "depersonalization" and wrote:

"I often find myself making simple human interactions, but it is as if I am playing a role-playing game such as oblivion; I can see what is going on, I am slightly into it, but I can pause the game and focus on my real life."

Former high school classmates remember Bryan Kohberger as an awkward creep who allegedly struggled with heroin addiction in his late teens. According to Dominique Clark, he was more of an outcast who attended both elementary and high school with him. Clark told the New York Post:

"He hung out with the people who were outcasts together. He tried to hang out with people who were smart. He just didn't really fit in with anybody."

The Tapatalk user further commented on the detachment from the people surrounding them and wrote:

"I view everything as I would if I was playing oblivion, pointless and full of nothing, out of reality. I am moving out of my house, my last holidays were already lived, but where was I? As my family group hugs and celebrates, I am stuck in this void of nothing, feeling completely no emotion, feeling nothing...I feel dirty, like there is dirt inside of my head, my mind, I am always dizzy and confused."

The user, who is assumed to be Bryan Kohberger, said that he had felt "eerie and alone" since he was 15. According to former classmates, the suspect was a creep around girls and became more aggressive in high school. His struggle with heroin addiction, which started in high school, allegedly went on till his college days.