God, make me the perfect tennis player please

The lob should mirror Lleyton Hewitt’s masterpiece. It finds it’s own way in the court after it’s been struck. Lobs are rare, and Mr.Hewitt seems to redirect almost all of them in place.

The volley? No, I haven’t forgotten. Let’s make this a montage of people here. By cementing together the best of Pete Sampras, Patrick Rafter and Stefan Edberg for basic defence, I know I’d have the cumulative talent to not be passed unless someone knocks me out with a baseball bat. This would make me too powerpacked? Fair enough, throw in two teaspoons of Michael Llodra French classiness and three cups of John McEnroe’s touch. I don’t really need anything more now, but I’m a thorough person-let’s move to the service.

Here, I seem to be faltering. I want the raw power of an Ivanisevic or a Karlovic on the first. The impact of my first should be a sick trajectory which makes a small hole where it bounces and flies for an ace. Should it touch a part of the opponents body, it should render him unconscious. For the second, I should be in a position where like Sampras, the service should fly for an ace at will. Let the second be threatening enough that the opponent doesn’t dare to move even an inch towards the baseline after the first.

What’s left? The return. Agassi- God, Andre Agassi is the name, I believe. Do I need to go further? Agassi owns a time machine. He stops time, or it definitely slows down before the ball touches his racket and bullets off for a winner. It’s impossible to return first services from the likes of Andy Roddick or Pete Sampras till a certain percentage of sorcery is involved. Agassi seems to do it, I’ll brandish my hexes too.

Allow me to add the finishing touches now. Movement’s left. Tell you what- Nadal, Monfils, Lendl, any of them are good. I’m not going to be choosy here. But ensure my fitness level is like Borg’s where I can calmly go for a marathon after a five setter and sleep without a hint of exhaustions.

Let me face opponents like Jimmy Connors, with complete disregard for who they are as far as the rankings are concerned, at the same time, let me respect all my fellow peers like Bjorn Borg. Let me face matches like Rafael Nadal-with no space for losing and match points like Novak Djokovic-where bad luck and the best of my game disappear and appear respectively. Give me the humour of Andy Roddick while dealing with the press, and make sure my level of sportsmanship never goes below Mr.Edberg’s.

May clay embrace me like Nadal, Wilander and Borg, Grass like Sampras and Borg and Cement like Connors and Sampras again.

Oh, and ensure that at the peak of my form, no one can touch me- like Safin. I do however wish to have the unflappable demeanor of Iceborg Bjorn, where nothing around can affect me while I play.

You know what God, to sum things up…make me Roger Federer.

Thanks,

A Fan.