"I don't understand how Jenni put up with me" - Robin Soderling lauds his wife while revealing details of his panic attacks

Robin Soderling, best known for being the first man to defeat Rafael Nadal at Roland Garros, has revealed for the first time the lucid details of what led to his retirement after a four-year break from the game.

Soderling, who reached back-to-back finals at the French Open in 2010-11, never returned to action after defeating David Ferrer in the final of the Swedish Open in July 2011. The Swedish player's autobiography, Sluten, sheds light on the unfortunate yet striking events that transpired in his life.

The 38-year-old credits his wife, Jenni, for putting up with him during a difficult phase in his life and career.

"To this day, I don't understand how Jenni put up with me. An ego monster who put his sport first and then himself. Even though I was sick, I am ashamed of my complete self-absorption. If this story has a hero, it's Jenni," Soderling is quoted to have written in his book as per expressen.se.

Soderling suffered a panic attack after his title win in Bastad while driving home after being cheered by home fans. The former World No. 4 narrated in vivid detail the feelings he experienced when afflicted by his first and subsequent panic attacks, which rendered him short of breath and severely distressed.

“It blackened from the sides as if two cupped hands were about to close before his eyes. He gasped, shallow breaths that barely reached his larynx. The heart was a wild animal trying to tear itself out of the chest. This is what it felt like to die. The body no longer relaxed, it left him" he wrote.

Soderling also told readers how he sought psychiatric help and had to plead with the doctors to believe what he was experiencing after his tests displayed normal results.

"Everything is wrong, it's like having a tumble dryer inside your body. Or like an old-fashioned kettle, when the water sizzles and the valve gurgles, or if you pour water into a balloon, so that the balloon expands until it is close to bursting from the inside. That's how it feels," the two-time French Open champion narrates.

Robin Soderling's tennis journey continues despite setback

Robin Soderling captained the Swesish Davis Cup team in 2021

Robin Soderling formally retired in 2015 after remaining absent from the tour ever since the Swedish Open title win in 2011.

Soderling stunned the tennis fraternity by getting the better of Rafael Nadal in the fourth round of the French Open in 2009 after the undefeated Spaniard had reigned supreme at Roland Garros four times in succession between 2005 and 2008.

The Swede lost the title round to Roger Federer but reached the finals of the Paris Grand Slam yet again in 2010 only to go down against Nadal.

The Tibro-born player ended his career after having won 10 tour titles. His involvement with the game continued as a tennis administrator after he took up the role of tournament director at the Stockholm Open in 2014 and 2015.

Robin Soderling also coached compatriot Elias Ymer and captained the Swedish Davis Cup team in 2021.