The Bad 1: Mick Foley actually DOES need index cards
Sure, the mic issues weren’t his fault, but everything before this week’s Raw kind of is. Stephanie was right, as the heels inexplicably usually are.
I’m happy that Foley got fired. He needs index cards because of his performance as GM of Raw. He literally wrote the names of cities on his hand so he wouldn’t forget where he was, and what to say out loud.
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He gave Roman Reigns so many friggin’ unearned opportunities I lost count, and I think Mick must have too. He would praise the women of their division for breaking down walls and making history! Then he would berate them and scream in their faces in the same promo, because “wrestling is hard.”
He was kind of a jerk to Sami Zayn, for a bit.
He legitimately sucked at his job. That is not something I take any joy in. I love Mick Foley, and always will. But 2016-17 was not the time for him to be General Manager and then sort of just sadly shuffle out the door. The last six months seem specifically designed to make him look bad. And make Steph and Triple H look, well, good at their jobs.
The Bad 2: The Club’s continued idiocy
Last week The Club, in a move that rivals the entire Twilight series in stupidity, got involved in a #1 Contenders match between Enzo & Big Cass, and the Twins version of a tag team if Arnold played both roles, Sheamus and Cesaro. By law, this makes their Wrestlemania match a 6-Man Tag Team match for The Club’s belts.
But hold on to your Irish potatoes! For some reason, this week Sheamus and Cesaro had to beat Enzo & Cass AND The Club in a 4-on-2 Handicap match to be able to go on to ‘Mania.
So, because either The Club hates being the Champions, or because they are literally the dumbest people on earth, they attack THEIR OWN PARTNERS, basically ensuring a triple threat 6-man tag match at ‘Mania, and losing any advantage they had. No wonder it took them so long to get the titles in the first place.
The Bad 3: Roman has no desire, is possibly a dog
Where did Roman’s lust for the Universal belt go?
That was, like, all he cared about after he stopped caring about believing in what Dean and Seth had to say. Now all he cares about is whether or not he’s involved in a “calling out,” and landscape legalities. He’s all about “dogs” and “yards” and “going to the vet” or whatever and couldn’t be bothered with the actual purpose of a wrestling promotion.
He showed interest in the United States Championship, but he seemed more concerned with being a jerk to Rusev and a straight up scumbag to Lana. And as soon as he got it, he treated it like a teenager treats a flour baby.
He’s got arguably the biggest match of his career coming up against The Undertaker, but he keeps under-selling that match. That would be fine if I didn’t think he’s gonna beat ‘Taker at Mania. But now, if he wins, it makes the Undertaker look terrible.
Smokey 20-minute walks to the ring and possible lightning power can only hold your “legend” status up so much. If he’s treated as an afterthought by Roman, and Roman wins, game over. Undy goes out like a chump.
I mean, I guess if you want you can beat up up everybody and be the strongest, most handsome, and wettest guy around, so you can rightfully liken yourself to a domesticated animal.
The Bad 4: No faith in the Raw women
Pretty weird that when Stephanie McMahon has all this power and claims she started the Women’s revolution, in and out of character, we get a Fatal 4-Way at Wrestlemania.
I’ve always had the opinion that at WrestleMania, most of the matches should be straight singles matches, especially if there’s a Championship belt involved. Sure, throw in an Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal, because I love battle royals and it gets a bunch of talent you might not see on the most important day in front of even more fans.
It helps build familiarity with the rest of the locker room. Hell, do something similar for the ladies. A smaller scale royal for the #1 Contender spot.
But gimmicks and more than two wrestlers in the ring at once should be saved for lesser shows, like Fastback or In Your Apartment 4: Rent’s Due. Championship matches should be two people going at it to see who’s better. Maybe, MAYBE, throw in a No DQ stipulation.
As it stands, there hasn’t been a women’s singles match at Wrestlemania...actually I’m not sure it’s ever happened. Tag matches, triple threats, bra and panties matches, sure, but heaven help them if they dared to let just two women put on a dope match.
It says a lot about your company when the least important “wrestling” show can do it, but on the biggest stage of the year, it’s barely even a thing. The “revolution” was televised, but then creative got to it.
The Bad 5: Creative has given up or doesn’t exist
I think a lot of the issues that a lot of fans and I have, stems from the WWE creative team. It’s maddening. I hesitate to say I could do a better job, but I could. Because I watch a lot of television, scripted and otherwise. Also, I exist.
I can tell you that just because the average fan won’t go back to old episodes to see if the crowd actually was cheering for Seth Rollins this whole time, doesn’t mean that those cheers weren’t usually sparse and muttered and only came by default.
I know that a doctor telling me that a knee brace is a pivotal part of the story is not compelling television. A doctor telling me ANYTHING about pro wrestling is a gigantic waste of time.
Brian Kendrick finding Akira Tozawa’s passport on the floor in the back just sounds like one of the writers was walking around the back, found Tozawa’s passport, returned it to him, and then ran to the writer’s room and was like, “Guys! I have the best idea, and you’ll never believe it! It actually happened to me!”
They stopped trying to tell a complete story for the Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg match and have finally just started saying, “It was a video game first, now it’s real!” Which isn’t even true, but hey, creative is super busy picking up crap off the floor.
The Good – Sami Zayn is at least on TV
Remember when Sami Zayn fought and beat, Kevin Owens last year at Battlebuster or whatever?
That was a rad match. Like, one of my favourites. But Sami wasn’t even on the next PPV, and he kinda just showed up every once in awhile to get beat up and remind us of his “never give up” attitude.
So pretty much everybody was into the idea that Sami might go to SmackDown Live and be given a chance to really shine against other opponents not named “Kevin Owens.” It was even hinted at earlier this year, but now he’s back to being a ragdoll for whoever the biggest threat at the time is.
The good news is, Sami’s back on TV regularly, wrestling good matches because he’s a great wrestler no matter what. The better news is, is it looks like he’s headed to ‘Mania to fight Samoa Joe, who is also a great wrestler. Together they have great matches. Just give me this, preferably on the main card, but I’ll take a pre-show match if I absolutely have to.
Extra points if the match is for Sami's Raw job, he wins it and then is all "Forget you guys, I'm going to SmackDown."
The Upsidedown
The Good 1 – That 16-year-old Kevin Owens picture that Jericho revealed. At least this feud makes sense, and it’s making Owens look competent again.The Good 2 – Dana Brooke’s continued improvement in the ring. The Bullet Ant of The Women’s Division has reintroduced herself as an actual wrestler who can wrestle.The Good 3 – Sheamus and Cesaro. Just them being a team. That makes me happy.The Good 4 – The wrestlers in the back being genuine and loving toward Foley on his way out. It was a terrible way to get there, but the heart was real.The Good 5 – Braun Strowman looking like a mail-away G.I. Joe toy that works for both Joe AND Cobra.
The Bad – Triple H selling his ‘Mania match in the most scatterbrained way possible.
If Triple H had declared he was done with Seth Rollins and then left, that’d be fine. That makes sense. But IMMEDIATELY after saying he was not gonna wrestle Seth at ‘Mania, he was all “unless you really wanna.”
So there goes any speculation or mystery or anything to help people get excited. Seth will ignore the boring doctors so he can fight in a match that was scheduled so long ago it started when The Shield ended.
If he doesn’t want to have a match against Seth, he doesn’t have to have one. Don’t even give him crappy tickets to the show. In fact, just fire him. It’s not like that’s below Triple H.
But yeah, I do not “really wanna.” I want to see Seth wrestle at Wrestlemania because he’s a good wrestler who can do exciting things when he wants to. I want to see Triple H wrestle at Wrestlemania because he has outrageous entrances.
I don’t wanna see them fight each other because it was pencilled in for last year. That’s like watching an entire television series because the pilot was great but everything after was super insulting to the viewer’s intelligence. Aw crap, my life.
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