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If there was one word that could be used to describe 1996 in wrestling, it would be ‘workhorse’. This is because the best matches that took place in that year involved the best in-ring workers from around the world: Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, Jushin ‘Thunder’ Liger, Mitsuharu Misawa, among others.
Conversely, the worst matches of 1996 involved the so-called ‘entertainment superstars’, i.e. wrestlers that were big on promos and ‘charisma’, but fell short when it came to actually delivering inside the ring. It isn’t hard to see why such ‘superstars’ get named in a list of worst matches.
Many of them were forced to wrestle in such ridiculous match concepts that they could’ve ruined even the best worker’s day. That is quickly becoming a central theme when looking at bad matches: bad booking is usually the catalyst in making an otherwise passable match worse. And yet, there are other cases whereby two wrestlers simply lack chemistry together or simply lack the skills needed to put on a good bout.
This list will include examples of all of those things.
#5 The Undertaker vs. Goldust – Curtain Call Match – In Your House 10: Mind Games
Back in the 1990s, The Undertaker was often forced to face wrestlers that weren’t the best workers. Goldust was an interesting character, but he wasn’t the ideal opponent for The Undertaker and this match proved that.
Most of the entertaining bits of the match came during its first half, and this was due to interference from Goldust’s valet Marlena. Once that little segment ended, you could see how out of place Goldust looked against the Undertaker. 90% of his offense consisted of strikes, and the few big moves that he did hit barely seemed to register.
While this isn’t a particularly offensive match, it was boring and void of excitement, especially since it was a placeholder match in the bigger (and infinitely more exciting) feud between the Undertaker and Mankind.
In yet another strange twist, this same show featured both one of 1996’s worst matches AND one of its best, with one taking place immediately before the other.
#4 Diamond Dallas Page vs. The Booty Man – Uncensored 1996
This match is one of the few bad matches that DDP wishes remains forgotten as much as possible. It was one of the longest and most boring matches WCW ever produced. It went far longer than necessary, lasting a whopping sixteen minutes.
But what made it feel like a cure for insomnia was the work (or lack thereof) put in by The Booty Man (a.k.a. Ed Leslie, a.k.a. Brutus Beefcake, a.k.a. Hulk Hogan’s really close friend).
His offense was as basic as possible, consisting mostly of weak strike attacks. That poor offense was compounded by illogical match structure (DDP pretends to walk out of the match, despite the stipulation being that if he lost, his entire wrestling career would be over) and features the awkward image of Kimberly Page trying to sell the idea that she’s in love with the Booty Man, of all people.
Whoever thought giving this match so much time must’ve been of the same twisted mindset that Michael Cole deserves more than two minutes inside a wrestling ring at any point in time.
#3 Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage – Halloween Havoc 1996
WCW tried to present this confrontation as an epic battle with years of build stemming from both wrestlers’ runs in WWE. But once the match actually started, that ‘big match feel’ all but dissipated. That’s because the match itself was a train wreck of plodding movement, constant delays, and one-sided structure that benefitted Hogan above Savage.
Bear in mind that a major storyline component was that Savage wanted revenge on Hogan, and WCW’s way of showing this was to have Savage steal Hogan’s sunglasses and wig. Things only got worse from there as WCW felt the need to shoehorn Miss Elizabeth into the match, emphasizing some very-real bitterness between herself and the two wrestlers in the match.
Her involvement left a bad taste in fans’ mouths, and took away from the match heat that was supposed to be between Hogan and Savage. All in all, WCW wasted an enormous opportunity to make this into an exciting rematch from years prior, but left everyone watching horribly disappointed.
#2 Ultimate Warrior vs. Goldust – In Your House 6
It’s questionable whether you’d even call this a ‘wrestling match’ because there was so little actual ‘wrestling’. And I don’t mean complicated chain-grappling or clever ring psychology; I mean actual moves or action of any sort.
This match went over seven-and-a-half minutes with almost nothing happening whatsoever. There was considerable stalling and walking around the ring and up the entrance ramp. They stalled even further as Goldust taunted the audience and cut a promo with Warrior inside the ring.
Ultimately, the ‘match’ ended via countout, which left people confused as they wondered if the contest had ever started in the first place.
This match proved that Warrior was so limited in the ring that he was forced to ‘wrestle’ in gimmicked ‘matches’ that were long on theatrics and short on athleticism. It proved that Warrior was in a bad place by 1996, and didn’t really earn the top billing that went with his name, especially when segments like this were put together.
#1 Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage vs. The Alliance to End Hulkamania - Tower Of Doom Match - WCW Uncensored 1996
This is one of the most confusing matches ever conceived. It was the pinnacle of incomprehensible match ideas: three cages, each separated into four rooms, stacked on top of one another, for an 8-on-2 handicap match. And you thought WarGames was contrived.
As if the concept wasn’t bad enough, the action was worse. For 25 agonizing minutes, these ten men (plus one more later) ‘brawled’ inside the most unusual structure ever used in wrestling.
The word ‘brawl’ is in quotation marks because most of the wrestlers in this match weren’t selling or even fighting well; their offense was horrible, either due to the fact that they were uncomfortable inside this bizarre structure, or due to the fact that they were below-average wrestlers.
The poor action was amplified by awful commentary and weird moments (weapons appear without explanation) and incredible confusion due to the fact that no one knew what the rules were. Some of the wrestlers even brawled outside the cage, yet no one knew if the match was over or not.
Luckily for the confused audience, out came The Booty Man to save the day by hitting people with frying pans.
WCW booking, everyone.
