6 of Bobby "The Brain" Heenan's wittiest quotes

Raymond Louis Heenan was born in a bad neighborhood of Chicago, Illinois, in November of 1944. Due to his father being absent, Heenan dropped out of school at eighth grade to help support his family -- ironic for a man later known for his big brain!

Without a male role model to look up to, Heenan became enthralled of professional wrestlers and the industry they worked in. He broke into the business the hard way, by carrying jackets for the wrestlers and working concession stands. Trading his labor for training, he wrestled his first match in 1965 for the Indiana-based WWA promotion.

Though Heenan was six feet tall, he was still undersized for a wrestler even in those days. He made the transition to managing, while still wrestling upon occasion. Here's a classic match from the old AWA promotion, in which the Brain tries to 'weasel' out of the match by feigning an injury.

Heenan would go on to be one of the most despised wrestlers and managers in history. Just how much did the fans hate Bobby Heenan? Well, an angry fan SHOT at him with a firearm in 1975 after he helped Nick Bockwinkle win unfairly. Heenan wasn't hit, but several fans at ringside were.

The Brain had a long and storied career in the industry, but his profile really hit the stratosphere when he was hired by Vince McMahon's then-WWF promotion.

The WWF Years

Bobby Heenan was a natural fit for the more Hollywood-centric WWF in the 1980s. With his quick wit and still-handsome looks, he had a great presence on camera, so it was no surprise when Heenan was assigned some of the WWF's biggest heel talent.

The members of the WWE Heenan family read like a who's who of legends in wrestling; Andre the Giant, Big John Studd, King Kong Bundy, Ravishing Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect, Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson... the list of hall of famers goes on and on. Though many of these men were perfectly capable of speaking on camera, having Brain always lent just a little something extra.

Heenan would eventually leave the WWE to become a full-time announcer for Ted Turner's WCW promotion, but he didn't leave behind that trademark wit. Here are some of the Brain's best one-liners, put down, and zingers!

"A Pat on the back is just two feet from a kick in the pants!"

Bobby Heenan and John Cena

With this quote, the Brain reminds us that while praise is nice it can be fleeting, and those that sing of your greatness today may be pushing you down the stairs tomorrow.

"A Friend in need...is a pest!"

Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon

Brain would often say this about babyface wrestlers who tried to help other performers they were kayfabe friendly with. It perfectly complements his craven and selfish persona.

"The Money's the same, whether you earn it or SCAM it!

Whenever his broadcast partner, be it Monsoon or Lord Alfred Hayes, would demonize a heel for cheating, Brain would whip out this quote. It certainly riled the fans against whoever Brain was managing at the time.

"I'm a legend in this sport. If you don't believe me, ask me!"

Two legendary announce teams, one table. Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross try to keep the peace between Heenan and Monsoon.

Well, who else would the Brain trust as an authority, other than himself? This really upset the fans, because on some level they knew Heenan was right; He was and is a legend.

"I know all about cheating. I've had six very successful marriages!"

The Bobby Heenan show may have been ahead of its time.

Just another hint at how sleazy the character Heenan portrayed really was, he extolled the virtues of spousal infidelity. In the real world, Bobby Heenan married his wife Cynthia in 1978 and remained with her until his death. He wasn't a sleaze, he just played one on TV!

"Win if you can, lose if you must, but always, ALWAYS cheat!"

The weasel with a weasel

This sums up Bobby "The Brain" Heenan's wrestling persona perfectly, in a succinct manner. After all, it's not how you play the game, but whether you win or you lose!

Though Bobby passed on in 2017, his legacy, warmth, and humor will live forever. Thanks for the laughs, Brain!

What are your favorite Bobby Heenan moments? Please comment and let us know!