John Cena, Animal Hater
If you watched Total Bellas, you already know Cider House Johns will have dogs taken away by Animal Control if they bark at him too hard. No problems living in a house surrounded by alligators, but 4 pound dogs are a THREAT.
Now, I realize Total Bellas is a TV show and Smackdown Live is real life serious business, but why not have him just lean into it? Have him show up in a “U Can’t See Dogs” shirt.
Cut promos about the joys of dog fighting wearing a Michael Vick jersey. Who’s gonna cheer for a guy that leaves his puppy in the car with the windows up on a hot Florida afternoon? You need a protein shake from the protein shake shoppe, Jack? Well your adorable dog needs air to live!
So after he gets volcanic heat, he can start a stable called The He-Man Animal Haterz Club with other like-minded jerks. Let’s see...Baron Corbin would fit nicely, he’s a legitimate butthole who almost definitely hates cute animals.
The Ascension still needs a job so they’re in. They could carry dog catcher nets to the ring with them like 2X4s. Nikki Bella would obviously be there because she is now completely under Cena’s mind control. She could dye her hair like Cruella Deville and sing showtunes. There’s really nothing worse than a singing Bella.
The Animal Haterz would then flirt with a face turn, “donating” millions to local animal rescue shelters. And just when you thought they had seen the error in their ways and were bettering themselves, it’s revealed that “donating” to the shelters was actually just straight up buying them and then they could blow them up, Vince McMahon’s Limo style.
