How To Make Friends And Turn John Cena Heel

John Cena: Max Level

This one gos to 11

A lot of the reason that people love John Cena is because he’s a real life superhero. He’s gonna tie Ric Flair, at the very least, in amount of world championships won.

No matter how beat up he gets he can always Power Up and Attitude Adjust his opponent back to the mid-card. He’s still The Face Who Is In Charge Of The Building He Is Currently In, no matter what AJ Styles says. He always fights on the side of good, and he always wins.

And it’s SO BORING. That’s why half the crowd hates him. They’ve seen Cena be Cena for what feels like 100 Years Of Hustletude. They can see the end of the match, or even an entire feud, before a match is even set. It’s like he’s a spoiler just by existing.

So what’s worse than boring? MORE BORING. Turn everything on the Cenameter to 11.

Cena just stands in the ring and as soon as his opponent so much as touches him they catch insta-death and are out for 4-6 months. If he hip tosses you, forget it, you are now legally required to retire for real.

When Vince runs out of talent he tries to ambush him with henchemen armed with old timey machine guns in the parking lot, Immortal John just Luke Cages his way to the ring. Once there, he just sits down and tells awful dad jokes where the punchline is “poop” 75%, wearing even brighter colors. If that doesn’t make you turn on him, I don’t know what will.