Separation anxiety. Necks included.
The best part about Total Divas is the non-TD wrestlers showing up in cameos. Total Divas concentrates on the life of women wrestlers on the road with WWE. Total Bellas, on the other hand, is John Cena trapping the cast in his house and manipulating them with mind-games and malice toward tiny dogs.
If they travel off-site, it’s usually a happy hour at a restaurant or a place for Cena to test drive his penis jokes.
So right off the bat, we get two of my favourites. Cesaro makes fun of eternal fun toilet, Mark Carrano, VP of Talent Relations, for his ridiculous outfit. My friend Griffin is hoping for a spin-off where Cesaro critiques ring gear. So am I, now. Dana Brooke, bullet ant, also makes an appearance and lends very little help to a nervous Eva Marie, who is terrified that she may not be drafted at all.
Natalya, understandably, is hesitant to train with Nikki because Nikki’s coming off of a spinal injury and not an ankle tattoo, even though the trainer’s like “Yo, she’s good, push her like in real wrestling.” NXT's Billie Kay is in the ring, too, but she’s mostly looking at Nikki and Nattie like “Hurry it up, princesses, I have a future that involves wrestling and not fake drafts. Also, where’s Peyton?”
After hearing news from her doctor that nothing is different(?), Paige is stoked that with just a couple weeks of physical therapy she’ll be back in the ring! I guess Paige injured something, probably her neck, so this is good news. Fingers crossed!
Meanwhile, Naomi is stressed to the nines about the draft, and the possibility of her and her Uso hubby, Jimmy getting split by The Draft. In fact, she and Renee are contemplating quitting their jobs if that happens, citing the fact that if they were split they would see their significant others only once a week, or “4 days a year,” because math is not required to be on this show.
My least favourite part of the episode is probably when Eva Marie takes her weird parents, dumb husband, and her stylist for some reason, to a Denny’s or something, so they can heap praise on her for being so strong during these trying times.
These times of not putting in work in the ring and then being confused when fans immediately turn on you. Look, if you present yourself a certain way to the world and people judge you for it, that’s on them. If you blame them for hurting your feelings because of things they said about what you’ve presented, that’s on you.
What I’m saying is, you chose to be a character on WWE television. Learn what that is and what it entails before you do it. Also, train more, and better. But keep that entrance music.
So she’s worried about whether or not she’ll get drafted to Raw so her hair matches, or if she’ll be drafted at all. Renee and Naomi are worried they’ll never get to see their men again. Natalya, and to a lesser extent, Nikki, are worried about Nikki’s neck.
Paige is worried because she’s basically a teenager. I guess Maryse and Lana either don’t care or know something we don’t, because they’re so NOT worried that they barely got any airtime.
