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Total Divas ep. 616: Miz, will you go to prom with me?

This week on the season finale of wrestling's premiere non-wrestling show, everyone goes to prom, and Nikki hates Brie.

Working as a team!

Previously on this show: Mostly animals

Predictably, this episode starts with a Nikki Bella quote, something about how people think she gets everything because her boyfriend is John Cena. Come on Nikki, no one thinks that. It’s because you’re a twin. Now, moving on…

Everyone’s in Brooklyn for Summerslam! Nothing could possibl-eye go wrong! Nattie and Naomi are waiting to find out who their mystery partner/opponent will be in their match. Then we get the ol’ “Two Weeks Earlier” thing on the screen and my brain melts. We see that there is a mystery afoot, but we don’t know who the mystery partner is yet, but they’re going to tell this story like it’s a lazy Memento.

They forgot that they’re supposed to tell the story backwards from the reveal, and not from the beginning of the mystery. If you don’t start with something that reveals the end, it’s just a clunky way to tell the story. This is all made way worse when you take into consideration that THIS WAS FILMED NINE MONTHS AGO. Any backwards, mysterious nonsense they’re trying to sell now has already been sold out BY THEMSELVES – NINE MONTHS AGO.

Also, this could be Eva Marie’s final WWE appearance! PHEW!

Sorry, back to this timeline...


The summer’s biggest prom (because Big Show will be there)

Nattie, preparing for the dance-off at prom. or maybe it’s the morning after?

Back to something that actually makes sense, The Miz is leaf blowing any enclosed patio with his shirt off while Maryse is taking selfies. They combine these activities so Maryse’s hair can be windswept for her selfies, because they are the perfect couple. At least as far a pro wrestling goes.

Maryse wants to have a party, because apparently she and The Miz are very good at throwing them and they haven’t done one since New Year’s. The Miz is against it, especially since she wants it to be a prom-themed party, and in most cases, adults dressing up and acting like high schoolers is the bottom worst. But when The Miz finds out she was dumped before her prom and never got to go, he promises her they will have the BEST prom-themed party ever. That’s because Mizzle is literally awesome. 

The Miz, the perfect husband that he is, buys a dress for Maryse for the prom party, and takes the Pretty Woman joke too far, but it’s adorable all the same. Maryse loves the dress because it’s almost exactly like the one she was going to wear to her original, real prom. I even thought the dress was pretty, but I mix plaids with other plaids and often stripes, so what do I know? I wear white after Labor Day like it’s my job.

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