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WWE Satire: Goldberg is actually an old version of Windows

Just compare the Windows NT 3.5 Logo and Goldberg's tattoo!

Feature 20 Feb 2017, 03:10 IST
Guys, do not look at the armpit hair!

It has been widely speculated for some time that Bill Goldberg is not human. Turns out that the rumours were true. Goldberg is actually an old version of Windows, more specifically Windows NT 3.5. We came to this conclusion like all good journalists do, with scientific research and analysis. In other words, we read about it on Reddit. 

Take a good hard look at Goldberg’s tattoo in the picture. Do not stare at the armpit hair. We repeat. Do not look at it, okay. Why did you do exactly what we ask you to avoid doing? 

Goldberg in Sportskeeda’s exclusive black and white footage

Like the pictures indicate, the logo on Goldberg’s arm is the same as the Windows NT 3.5 logo.This conclusively proves that Goldberg is a software, and also explains his affinity for head banging against wooden doors, considering he is, after all, a window.

Much like the older versions of windows, he can only work a few minutes before sputtering and conking off. And if you still don’t believe us, Goldberg’s first name is Bill. You know who owns Microsoft and Windows? Bill Gates. Your mind has officially been blown, right? 

It is widely speculated that Vince McMahon only hired Goldberg, an outdated software to work for him, merely so that people knew that there were things that ran even slower than the WWE Network. It also explains Goldberg’s habit of knocking his head into doors regularly, considering old computers had to be knocked about a bit before they would function at 100%. 

Eric Bischoff, Goldberg’s ex-boss agreed with rumours that Goldberg is not a man, but a software instead. This is what he has to say, ‘Back then Bill Goldberg was the best software around. That's why his streak was 173-0, and Undertaker’s just 21-0. But to Goldberg, these numbers mean nothing. He only understands binary code, ie. 1 and 0. During a pinfall, he doesn’t even know what the first two counts are!’

We even reached out to Goldberg's old friend, Sting for comments, but Triple H buried him before we could get to him. So we thought, why not ask the man himself! Ask him if he’s a man or not. This is what Goldberg had to say.


Vince McMahon called us and summed up the whole experience: ‘Goldberg was from WCW and hence he’s only software at best. Look at Roman Reigns’ armour vest! That is hard wear, guys. Ooooooa!’ 

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