Satire: Australia to outsource spin
With Australia having lost all three of the Tests played so far on the current tour of India, Cricket Australia has deep furrows on its brows. An interim report on the performance of the team has led to fingers being pointed predominantly in one direction – spin.
According to the report, spin has been the tormentor-in-chief of the Aussie batsmen. In addition, the lack of quality spinning options has, conversely, been the making of Indian batsmen. In accordance, Cricket Australia has taken the drastic step of outsourcing its entire spinning department to one man.
Chairman Wally Edwards, in a press release said, “The form of the current Australian team has been most worrisome. We understand that the team is in transition but this is no excuse really. The quality of the Australian spin attack is average, at best. Hence, to bolster the attack, we here at Cricket Australia have been taking pro-active steps rather than just let things lie.
“Thus, we are pleased to announce that we have reached an agreement with Harbhajan Singh to carry on the Aussie attack in the fourth and final Test in Delhi. Now, we must clarify that this is no spur-of-the-moment decision. We were toying with the idea of recruiting Mr. Singh before the recently concluded Mohali Test itself but were unsure of his selection for the Test. Hence, we decided to play the waiting game. The gamble, we can now successfully say, has paid off.
“Looking at his candidature, no one can really be in any doubt as to his suitability for the job at hand. Mr. Singh has been bowling to Indian batsmen of all levels over the past year and a half, having been playing in the domestic competitions. These competitions have seriously enhanced his skills. However, this is only secondary. The primary is the doosra. Or is that the secondary? Ha!” Clearly Mr. Edwards has not lost his sense of humor. Or his grasp of Hindi.
Mr. Singh when approached said, “Yes. It is true. I have accepted the offer made by Cricket Australia. In my head, it was absolutely the right thing to do. Seeing that I opted to play domestic cricket for the past year and a half, it is only natural that when I did eventually step up to the international scene, I put those skills to use against the batsmen who I had tormented in the domestic competitions. In fact, I did take the permission of the Indian team management before agreeing to the deal. For some reason, they sounded eager to face me. I am guessing it is their love and affection towards me.
“I would also like to state that I am, in no way, betraying my country. I am a proud Indian and playing for Australia does not change that.” When asked to clarify, he mumbled something to the effect of ‘Mumbai Indians‘ and gave a wry smile.
We can also say that we have learnt, from sources high up in Cricket Australia, that Mr. Singh did submit a presentation.