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Satire: BREAKING NEWS - Australia decide to play 3-day Tests against other countries

4.41K   //    09 Aug 2015, 17:19 IST
Michael Clarke with the Ashes urn during a portrait session before the Ashes

Going by the Australian Cricket Team’s recent performances in the Ashes Test series in England, Cricket Australia is contemplating making 3 day Test matches a permanent fixture in their calendar. The last two Ashes Tests at Birmingham and at Nottingham took a little more than just 2 days to complete.

“There is no point in scheduling 5 day matches when the games are ending in less than 3 days. Two extra days per Test match would give us a chance to play more ODI games and T20Is, something which we’re really good at,” Cricket Australia CEO, James Sutherland was quoted as saying.

Former Australian cricketers were positive about this move by CA and called it “an Australian cricket revolution” and something that every country will resort to in due time.

“They don’t pick me for Tests so I’m really excited to see 3 day Tests and stuff in more ODIs and T20Is in the tour calendar. More ODIs would mean my payrolls would rocket even more after my IPL contract,” said a very, very excited Glenn Maxwell who is known for this famous leave in a Big Bash League match.

With the World T20 games nearing, Australia’s preparations are not exactly going as planned one might say. They lasted only 18.3 overs on the first morning in Edgbaston. It is obvious that they’ll need to pull up their socks if they are to challenge the stronger T20 sides.

Steven Smith, Australian batting superstar and “best since Bradman” acknowledged the fact that the Aussies had been really poor and was brutally honest in his assessment. “Our batting was really horrendous in the first innings, I’d say. We showed no intent to hit the ball out of the park. I don’t think we would be of any good in the World Cup next year,” said Smith, who scored six runs at an astonishing strike rate of 200!

The second innings wasn’t exactly kind to the Aussies either.

Michael Clarke blamed the openers’ horrid start for his really, really s***** display with the bat.

“Warner and Rogers were too slow in the beginning and if we would have got a quicker start, we might have scored many more runs,” lamented Clarke. 

“Aussies always play the hard play and we like to play aggressive cricket so 110 runs in 22 overs was not acceptable.”

David Warner remained unavailable for comment after sources say he was at a pub defending Moeen Ali from being called a terrorist by drunk English fans and Chris Rogers was seen enjoying beers with his Middlesex teammate Steven Finn.

The Aussies will play the 5th Ashes Test (albeit unwillingly) at The Oval from 20th August. It is however imperative that the Aussie spirit be back roaring in the upcoming ODI series and the Big Bash League at the end of this year.

(This may be a work of fiction and I’d leave it up to you to believe it or not)

**Original post written before Michael Clarke announced his retirement. I’d like to wish him all the best for his new innings outside cricket.

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Cricket fan. An avid sports reader, adores Jarrod Kimber as a sports writer.
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