[Tracer Bullet] Ganguly's advert, Ravindra Jadeja jokes and other answers

So you thought Sportskeeda only presented you with cool and funny articles? It has now roped in a pundit who will provide the viewers with “Doctor o’Rdered Solutions (DRS)” (The only DRS approved in India) to all your cricket related problems. This is the second in that series called Tracer Bullet.

Question: What do you think about Ganguly’s advertisement with animals in it?

—– Ronit Ramesh (via a comment from the previous post)

I’m going to be a better actor than this guy

<DRS> Well to be really honest, I do not think about Ganguly’s advertisement with animals in it at all. When I am thinking about Ganguly, I think about him dancing down the wicket to hoist spinners out of the park, or playing those square cuts, or that time when he kept Steve Waugh waiting for the toss, or that day at Lord’s when he took off his shirt. And when I am thinking about adverts with animals in it, I think about those PETA models.

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Question: After being ‘framed’ for the IPL fall-out, and thereafter taking harbour in UK, I appear to have become irrelevant. I feel ignored and neglected. What could I do now?

—– Lalit Kr Modi, London

<DRS> Sorry Mr. Lalit Modi, but I have been barred by the BCCI from replying to your questions. Now, you can’t mess with the BCCI, can you? Okay forget I asked; you don’t have to answer that.

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Question: My job entails me to say the same things over and over again. “These are baseless rumours”. “We have just received the report and the concerned team is going through it”. “We are still awaiting official word on it”. “I have no idea how it got leaked to the media. We will find the man responsible for it”. “It is a job of the selectors”. I’m afraid I’ll have nothing to do once my tenure gets over.

—– Rajiv Shukla, manager of Indian Cricket Team and Chief of IPL

<DRS> Thank you Mr. Shukla for writing to us. It is indeed an honour to read those words again. I have a perfect alternate career option for you which perfectly matches your skill-set. Become a cricket commentator.

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Question: The internet is full of derogatory blog posts and jokes on Ravindra Jadeja. My blood boils whenever I read them. I am a big time fan of Sir. What should I do to cope with them?

—- Ekalavya, Jamnagar

<DRS> Haha. Good one. You almost had me there once.

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Question: What advith do you have for someone who used to be an icon onth, but hath been regaled to the back benthes in public memory?

—- Con-waljit, Delhi

Hey loo, there goth my career!

<DRS> Ahh! Nice try, Mr. Lalit Modi, but you can’t fool us. And for heaven’s sake, please find a cure for your lisp.

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Question: I recently got engaged. My fiancé is always nice to me, besides being rich and successful. But he is of the opinion that Sachin should retire. I can’t get married to someone who doesn’t ever care about my most basic needs. What should I do?

—– Sanchi, Ahmedabad

<DRS> Well, the best marriages often work between people with different mindsets, so a difference of opinions really doesn’t matter that much. But since the question is regarding Sachin, there can be no compromises. After all, even your name anagrams to ‘Sachin’. It would be best for the both of you if you call off the marriage immediately. In fact as a parting gift, get hold of his laptop with Facebook logged in, write hate remarks and have him arrested under section 66A. And please don’t lost heart; there are lots of Sachin-loving eligible bachelors out there waiting for you. By the way, what is your Gotra?

Do you have any questions for Tracer Bullet? Leave them in the comments and watch this space for the answers.

You can read the first part of the series here.