[Humour] If football fans were like their teams

Liverpool Fans

Their forefathers are ashamed of their successors. The successors, however, brag about their forefathers and the accolades they won millions of years ago. If others point fingers on their dismal failures of the present, they instantly retort by taking them to trip down the memory lane.

They are like that student whose grandfather was the best and record-breaking student of the University and hence thinks that he/she deserve respects because of that alone.

They hate the Manchester United people because they have achieved more than even Liverpool’s ancestors.

To get them back to the glory days, they are being sponsored by a USA based company. The first move they made after the sponsorship was put to existence was buy Ferrero Rocher. Or they thought they did. But as it turned out, it was an Eclairs toffee with a ponytail.

However, not all of their investment went in vain as they bought a cannibal from Amsterdam to feed off the flesh of their rivals. That cannibal had large teeth and dug it wherever and whenever he could – and induced terror among rivals.

His wrath caused others to sink in abyss and them to rise through the ranks and be recognized again as a threat. All was going really well until their leader decided to play Bambi on ice and everything has gone downhill ever since.

The cannibal is now in Barcelona, however, and they are back to being irrelevant again.

---

AC Milan Fans

God’s several angels and Lucifer was the most powerful among them. Such was his power that he got everything he wanted; he was the king, the best among the best – and that pride caused his downfall. Ultimately, he fell from the position of angel and became known as the Satan.

Even though the analogy isn’t quite up to the mark (or may be it is, at least Juventus fans would think so), this scenario is eerily similar to that of AC Milan fans.

Once, they were the best among the best. They had all the best weapons, could bring down any team in the world and win success – which they did. For over a long time they enjoyed continental success. They ate in the best restaurants, slept in the best beds, went to meetings wearing tuxedos stitched with golden thread and simply got whatever they wanted.

However, too much pride – and a rich and perverse sponsor – caused their downfall.

Now, they feed off the leftovers of rich people’s dogs and are trying to make their way to the top while doing so. However, the top is draped in Zebra skin and seems higher than the summit of Mount Everest.

---

Juventus Fans

They came. They saw. They conquered. They fell. They came back again. And they are conquering again.

Their favourite animal is the Zebra and they like bitter food. Almost everything in the world is a conspiracy theory against them – something from which they rise again and again.

Initially, they were the best among their colony members. The represented the best of Italy. Everything was going perfect for them in the domestic matters. Until they became the victims of conspiracy by their neighbours. Or at least they say so.

They were jailed for their involvement in money laundering and bribing the police. However, after getting out of jail and spending some years in mediocrity, they are back to the top again. They are not people with much money, but they are smart investors.

If there is a piece of dung lying around, they will pick it up, inspect it and know instantly whether there is a diamond hidden within or not. This is how they make huge assets out of absolutely nothing and keep moving forward.

Their success in the continental market hasn’t been up to the mark – however, they are fighting a war against the Barcelona people for the crown of the best. And it is those raw gems that took them there.

---

Arsenal fans

The misers of this world. They are bunch of people who absolutely hate spending and believe in grooming their young ones to winning machines.

However, once those young ones grow and become adults, they leave home for greener pastures – never to return again. And they go back to square one. Some of the best talents were produced from their tribe, but they could never really use it to their advantage.

For a long period they went barren. They worked hard, but it just wasn’t enough. Finally, they realised that their miserly nature won’t get them anything but a book without a title and hence decided to spend on weapons to add to their arsenal (oops).

Since then, they have small bouts of joy and it shows that money probably can buy you happiness.

---

Atletico Madrid Fans

The brutal barbarians. There are two way to go across towards the other side of a wall. One is to climb over it and the other is to smash it open. They are the people who prefer and do the latter.

They weren’t always on the map. In fact, some years ago, the process of ants collecting their food was given more importance than them. Then they appointed a tough Argentine – one of their own – as their leader and things have been different ever since.

They don’t have much money to spend, but they don’t need that. They have the brawling strength and the bully mentality to harass rivals. This got them to the once-impossible land of success in Spain.

If anyone has a problem with another and needs some bones to be broken, all they need to do is call the Atletico people and they will do it for them with the utmost ease. Who needs beauty when you have the beast, is their mentality.

And it has worked so far.

---

Real Madrid fans

The most successful people in the world. They have achieved everything at life – so much that they really don’t care about anything anymore. They are spoiled and ungrateful bunch of people there is and it doesn’t take them a moment to shatter into pieces their newly bought expensive weapons.

They are aristocratic people who believe in buying already established weapons rather than build their own. For this, they look upon the Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspurs people – who constantly bow down to their authority and feed them with what they want.

They have the most expensive accessories and keep buying further expensive things even before the existing accessories have gone past their expiry dates. They don’t hesitate for a single moment to bring down the axe on the people that brought them fame and recognition. This trait of theirs became a source of inspiration for people like Mir Jafar.

Success is not the only thing they crave – they want it with fame and style. They want people to see them win in style and fall in awe of them, but more often than not, they become the subject of their jokes and criticism for their lavish ways.

Right now, they face the stinging insult of failure and have hired another scapegoat to oversee them.