If Footballers were Superheroes

Theo Walcott – The Flash

Rescued at a young age from evil Scouser parents by the magnanimous Professor Wenger, Theo grew up flying Emirates and playing the Arsenal way. Arsenal FC had recently lost their King to greener pastures and were out of funds and options for a successor. Time was running out for the Professor, and so he resigned himself to sacrificing the young Theo for a morally questionable genetics project at Arsenal to create a young footballing superpower. The project wasn’t exactly a success but hey, at least he could run twice as fast as the average footballer!

Run, Walcott, Run!

The Flash was born. The Flash has trouble harnessing the power of his amazing ability. He spends most of his time on the pitch dribbling at ridiculous pace only to lose the ball seconds later. Time will tell if his superpower will ever become relevant, or whether he will be consigned to superhero mediocrity alongside Catwoman and Aquaman.

Sergio Busquets – Aquaman

‘Twas a great father-son tradition in the Busquets family to go flying over the Mediterranean in the summers. However, one tragic evening, their plane hit massive turbulence over the Mediterranean Sea, forcing it to rip at the centre. A fall from such a high altitude was sure to kill young Sergio, but miraculously the boy survived. Doctors, scientists, marine biologists and even theologists put it down to the boy’s extraordinary ability – Diving.

Since embarking on a footballing career, Busquets has managed to leverage this gift to become a vital cog in the machine that is FC Barcelona.