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A 'Rogue Amazonian' Woman Makes Her RAW Debut
Goldust is accompanied to the ring by Marlena, as Kevin Kelly conducts an in-ring interview with The Bizarre Couple. Goldust goes off on a tangent explaining this real-life situation & comparing it to the ‘Hills of Hollywood’ whilst drooling all over Marlena’s figure at the same time.
Marlena assures that from Goldust’s golden feet to Goldust’s golden hair, he’s all MAN (& perhaps a better one than HHH could ever be).
But Hunter comes out, as expected. He taunts Goldust & throws a drink on his face. Goldust is startled. HHH gets in & beats the hell out of him. Hunter finishes it off with a Pedigree.
But Marlena has had it. She turns HHH around & slaps him. The crowd pops hard. Suddenly, an ‘Amazonian Woman’ from last night’s PPV comes out of nowhere & shakes Marlena from behind like a ragdoll (they think she’s an audience member). Seriously, go watch that, it’s probably the only ‘shaking’ you’ll ever remember for the rest of the month.
Who is this ‘Amazonian Woman’? Does she have an obsession with Marlena? Well, that’s what happens when you let goofs bringing ECW posters to think they’re a part of the show, according to Lawler.
Sure, you could also call her Chyna. But hey, nobody calls her that yet. So yes, a rogue audience member who looks like an Amazonian Woman shook the life out of poor Marlena.
I am pretty sure Hunter Hearst Helmsley had nothing to do with this…
Broken Matt & Brother Nero Make Their RAW Debut From An Alternate Universe
MATCH #3: THE HARDY BOYS (Matt & Jeff Hardy) vs. THE HEADBANGERS (Mosh & Thrasher)
Brother Nero…I knew you’d come.
Constant readers witnessed how much I disliked the Headbangers right off the bat during their debut match on Thursday RAW Thursday one week ago. As for their opponents, let’s just say that this match is their RAW debut.
However, these two young guns- Matt & Jeff, they remind me a lot of the two main characters of The Broken Universe: Broken Matt & Brother Nero. The resemblance is quite uncanny if you ask me.
Maybe in some alternate universe, Broken Matt & Brother Nero were responsible for being the pioneers of tag-team wrestling in the Attitude Era. Eh, that’s a long shot, Matt & Jeff will probably just end up being jobbers.
The Headbangers attack these two from behind immediately. The two knuckleheads even double team Matt in the corner. But Mosh, or Thrasher, either one of these goofs throws Matt Hardy in such a way that Matt’s neck directly rebounds from the bottom rope. It was a clear botch.
Heck, even Jeff Hardy sells their moves by taking unnecessary (but totally necessary for jobbers) risks. It is apparent that both of their careers are going to be riddled with injuries if they keep on doing this forever. Maybe I am just worrying too much, it’s not like they’re ever going to jump off ladders or something.
Just like last week, JR & Jerry Lawler make a mockery out of metal culture.
Lawler: “That Hardy Boy thinks he’s in a mosh-pit right now. You ever seen a mosh-pit?”
JR: “A couple of times on the news. Never experienced it.”
Lawler: “On the news?”
JR: “Yeah I watch the news.”
Lawler: “What would a mosh-pit be doing on the news? You might see one on MTV. I don’t think you’ll see it on the news Ross.”
JR even goes on to call ‘Marilyn Manson’ a lady. This is basically commentators parodying a culture that is already being parodied by the two most unlikable parodies in the ring.
The Headbangers execute a stage-dive & win the match. My dislike for The Headbangers continues. See you later Hardy Boys.
Result: The Headbangers (Mosh & Thrasher) win via pinfall.
During the above tag-team bout, our view turns split-screen as we see Farooq cutting an impromptu promo on Ahmed Johnson. The reason why I decided to talk about it after the match is because I think that this is the most underrated moment of the night. Each & every word that Farooq says is probably the most interested I’ve ever been regarding this N.O.D/Ahmed Johnson saga.
Farooq explains that Ahmed always comes out saying what he’s going to do for himself & his people. But what his people don’t know is that Ahmed Johnson is a fraud. Ahmed talks about living in the streets whereas, in reality, Ahmed lives in a high-rise penthouse over Houston, drives two cars & has three bedrooms.
Farooq has lived in the ‘real streets’. Living in the real streets is like being raised in a two-room house with seven kids. Farooq adds that Ahmed Johnson has an advantage over everyone on Earth, but he doesn’t have to die to go to hell. Ahmed is in hell now, but Farooq is the devil & the rest of the Nation are all the demons he needs.
Farooq challenges Ahmed to a Chicago Street Fight at WrestleMania 13 & the sequence ends with Nation of Domination members raising their fists & showing ultimate superiority in numbers.
Ron Simmons (Farooq) is the heel here, but…DAMN!
