Total Bellas, Episode 1: A Recap, John Cena's house rules and more

Wrestling With Identity

They’re different because one is pointing up while the other is not pointing.

Upon Brie and Daniel’s arrival, they notice that they “couldn’t be more different” than John and Nicole. Except that they all work in the same industry, for the same company, are good looking and in great shape, have tiny white dogs (for now), and two of them are actually twins.

First on Nikki’s list of jobs for Brie & Bry, after “Don’t upset John,” is they will be her chauffeurs (later renamed “bitches”). Cool, seems reasonable. Also, she can’t lift anything over 10 pounds, but that’s to be expected after having her neck rearranged.

Around this time Nikki mentions that since she and Cena worked so hard for what they have, they like to enjoy “the finer things in life.” The Finer Things seem to only entail being clean, penis jokes, and standing still at all times. Sometimes they go to different rooms in the House of 1,000 Shoulder Blocks to do these things.

At the first Downton Abbey Family Dinner, John gives door shutting classes during his Rules of The House promo.

He also says that if anyone gets attacked by an alligator it’s their own damn fault for being his guest at his house. Also also, Josie is banned from the Super House because she sheds too much. Winston, Nikki and/or Cena’s dog, doesn’t shed. Ever. She is smaller than Josie.

Fun facts: John Cena gave actual birth to this house during his time off for “elbow surgery,” John Laurinaitis is Rodney Dangerfield but with zero charisma, and Daniel Bryan is fascinated and confused by shoes when he’s not cracking the best jokes in the house.

Poor Josie. She’s in a new place and she’s all flustered and anxious and confused. She’s gone from living in Arizona, where she helps Daniel garden and runs happily everywhere, to Florida, where’s she’s been quarantined in an admittedly really nice guest house.

I’ve lived in both states, and if you took all the alligators and quarantines and put them in Arizona, I’d still pick it over Florida, so I feel her pain.

Quick note #2: Brie and Nikki always seem surprised that they’re twins.