WrestleMania 33 is now in the books. The annual wrestling spectacle was characterised by a polarising mix of exciting matches early on and a series of lukewarm matches towards the end.
The show was capped by one of the most depressing moments in wrestling history as the Undertaker, the most revered wrestler of all time, officially retired. The sight of him removing his gloves, coat and hat and leaving them in the ring left many people, myself included, in tears.
Though it was something many of us had long expected, to actually witness the Undertaker’s final WWE appearance is something that will still take some time to grasp.
But this show was about more than just the Undertaker. There were thirteen matches on a show that lasted a whole seven hours from the opening match on the preshow to the final bell of the last one.
Even as a diehard wrestling fan, this is an exhausting amount of time to be spent watching wrestling. That played into the overall quality of the matches that took place, as we take a look and rank all of WrestleMania 33’s matches from worst to best, with each match being given a rating between * and *****.
#13 Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
I, like many others, had high hopes for this year’s battle royal. I had hoped the winner would be an easy one to predict because it made the most sense. I expected that WWE would actually use this random battle royal as a vehicle through which they could elevate a lower-card star into someone more substantial.
They had done a good job with Baron Corbin, so hopefully, they could do the same with someone in this match. And it’s not like they didn’t have options. Braun Strowman, Sami Zayn, Luke Harper, Apollo Crews, any one of these men would’ve been an appropriate and logical choice for winner.
But out of all of them, they chose Mojo Rawley, a bona fide jobber, whose ‘stay hyped’ gimmick is completely unrelatable. It seems that this choice was only made because a famous football player was in the audience, and WWE’s desperate to seem relevant to other sports.
Final Rating: *1/2
#12 SmackDown Women’s Championship Match
I’d hate to have to classify this as a bathroom break match, but honestly, that’s what it ended up being. It felt like a repeat of the multi-woman matches we’ve seen many times over the years, with the only caveat being that it featured a bit more of a competitive edge. But there was something about the match in its execution that made it hard for it to stand out. It featured about six minutes of action, and with so many people doing chaotic things all at once, it was hard to focus (or care) about any one person at any given time.
This should’ve been a singles match for the championship, instead of a multi-woman battle that didn’t have enough drama to make a lasting impression.
Final Rating: *3/4
#12 WWE Universal Championship Match: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar
I could not possibly give this match a high rating than this. While it was the longest of the Goldberg vs. Lesnar confrontations since Survivor Series, length does not a better match make. This was still an incredibly limited match, composed of only two moves by Goldberg (Spear and Jackhammer), and only two different kinds of moves by Lesnar (German Suplex & F-5).
The match went less than five minutes, and was, on the whole, a massive disservice to the WWE Universal Championship. Goldberg’s reign was a joke, as was every actual match he was in. The Championship that had been defended with such pride and in such exciting matches changed hands yet again in a match that could barely even be considered an actual match.
Let’s hope that whoever challenges Lesnar for the title next will bring some prestige to the belt.
Final Rating: **
#10 John Cena & Nikki Bella vs. Miz & Maryse
As I had predicted beforehand, this match was never going to be a competitive contest. It felt more like an angle than a match, with the conclusion ever obvious. Not once was there any hint that Miz & Maryse would win.
The only real good parts were when the Miz worked the crowd and got them to cheer for him. Other than that, the actual competitive match barely existed. The only memory fans will have of this contest was the post-match segment that featured Cena proposing to Nikki. That was the only thing that actually mattered, leaving this as a truly forgettable match.
Final Rating: **
#9 WWE Championship Match: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton
What was the point of this match? The entire story here seemed to be the weird mind games centred on videos of insects that played three times throughout the match. Yet the referee appeared to be the only person that was actually shaken up by any of it. Because Randy hit a picture-perfect RKO shortly after the third instance of mind games to win the WWE Championship.
Considering how much effort they put into the story for this match, it failed to live up to the hype. Wyatt was nowhere near as intimidating or aggressive as he is usually, and Randy seemed to have too much of an easy time winning.
A disappointing match, to be sure.
Final Rating: **1/4
#8 The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns
I’ll give credit where credit is due. Both Reigns and the Undertaker did their best given the circumstances of this match. The Undertaker was 52 when this match started, and Reigns is, well, a good worker, but not the kind you’d select to carry a match with the Deadman.
Also read: Roman Reigns retires The Undertaker at WWE WrestleMania 33, Deadman breaks character #ThankYouTaker
But they did their best. They managed to, at least, make it somewhat dramatic with several believable near-falls and impressive moves. Reigns managed to make ‘Taker look as tough and hard to beat as he had ever been, while the Undertaker did what he could and managed to deliver some solid offence.
However, the match quality was dragged down heavily by a relatively quiet live audience and a bad botch mid-way through the bout as Reigns tried to reverse a Tombstone Piledriver into one of his own. It killed the audience, and they didn’t recover much after that, at least for the match itself.
Final Rating: **1/2
#7 Intercontinental Championship Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin
For a match that was built up so much on SmackDown, this pre-show contest didn’t feel that big. The chemistry simply wasn’t there, nor were there any truly memorable spots. Worse, the booking was completely off.
The logical conclusion was that Corbin, who had won last year’s Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, would’ve achieved his biggest success to date by furthering the momentum from that earlier victory with one on this night. But that didn’t happen, as Ambrose won with a Dirty Deeds DDT out of nowhere.
All of us have seen better from both men. Clearly, something was way off at this year’s WrestleMania.
Final Rating: **1/2
#6 RAW Women’s Championship Match: Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax
If there was any match that could’ve benefitted from more time, this was it. Because there were four women involved and they had such enormous time constraints, the match felt like it was stuck in a lower gear. There were very few true high spots (barring Charlotte’s Moonsault), and the actual storytelling in this match felt threadbare.
For the second year in a row, the so-called founders of the Women’s Revolution had a highly-anticipated match at WrestleMania, and it was nowhere near the level of quality that we’ve come to expect from them.
Final Rating: **3/4
#5 Cruiserweight Championship Match: Neville vs. Austin Aries
This might be hard to believe, but one of the best matches shown today wasn’t even on the main WrestleMania card. Indeed, from a technical standpoint, the Cruiserweight Championship match was the best and most exciting bout on the card.
They put on an excellent display of pure, technical wrestling with traditional psychology and storytelling that set the bar high for the rest of the show. Both Aries and Neville brought their A-game to this event and delivered a truly praise-worthy match. It’s a shame that very few of the matches that followed didn’t come anywhere near the level of quality this one had.
Final Rating: ***
#4 RAW Tag Team Title Match
Let me begin by saying that it’s great to see the Hardyz back in a WWE ring. Speculation was running wild that they had re-signed with WWE, but few people if any expected them to actually show up at WrestleMania, much less compete in a match AND win the RAW Tag Team Championships.
Their involvement in this match made it into a much bigger deal. As veterans of WrestleMania ladder matches, the Hardyz brought an additional layer of excitement and drama. They meshed very well with the other teams involved, and despite appearing to have dropped some of the elements of their ‘Broken’ gimmicks, they still did a fantastic job.
At first, I thought this match was going to be relegated to the preshow. Then I figured it was going to be cut entirely. I did not expect this match to have been this good and am glad to have been proven wrong.
Final Rating: ***1/2
#3 Seth Rollins vs. Triple H
This match was great for what it was. Rollins and Triple H told a great story, and Seth managed to play the role of never-say-die underdog perfectly. No matter how much pain and anguish he was put through by Triple H, Rollins simply wouldn’t give up. His gutsy determination made this match magical and served as a critical moment for Rollins’ WWE career.
Rollins deserves extra credit for not only working this match with a legitimately-messed up knee but also for pulling off all of his signature moves, including the Superplex-Falcon Arrow combination and the always-awesome Phoenix Splash. He did both of these moves with a bad knee. It takes a special kind of badass to pull that off.
Final Rating: ***3/4
#2 U.S. Title Match: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens
What else did you expect from the one storyline leading up to WrestleMania with more than a month’s worth of build?
Jericho and Owens knew each other so well and had such perfect chemistry that it was impossible not to enjoy this match. The crowd was very much into everything that both guys did, and were loud throughout the match.
Owens showed his viciousness and brutality with several great moves, while Jericho’s wily veteran instincts almost got him the victory on several occasions. In the end, it was Owens that was victorious, following a truly vicious Apron Powerbomb. Going forward, let’s hope Owens has some good storylines as champion.
Final Rating: ***3/4
#1 A.J. Styles vs. Shane McMahon
It’s A.J. Styles. How could you possibly expect anything less?
In true Styles fashion, he managed to make chicken salad out of chicken s**t. He managed to wrestle circles around Shane McMahon and showed all of us just why he’s so good at what he does.
But that’s not to take away from Shane. I was very impressed with the surprising things he did in this match: deep arm drags, some amateur wrestling, MMA-inspired submission holds, and even a Shooting Star Press. All of this out of a 46-year-old man who shouldn’t even be considered a genuinely qualified wrestler, much less someone worthy of a spot at WrestleMania.
But Shane proved everyone wrong. When the time calls for it, Shane can perform at an incredibly high standard, and can even go toe-to-toe with the single-most talented wrestler on the planet.
Given all of that, maybe there is one McMahon worthy of being seen on a weekly basis.
Final Rating: ****
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