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Twenty-four hours ago (at the In Your House 13: Final Four PPV), Bret Hart defeated The Undertaker, Vader & Stone Cold Steve Austin in a Four Man No DQ Elimination match in order to become your new WWF World Heavyweight Champion.
Twenty-four hours later, Bret Hart is set to defend his title against the master & ruler of the world, Psycho Sid.
Also Twenty-four hours ago, a ‘huge’ woman who isn’t called Chyna (yet) choked the hell out of Marlena, which left Goldust visibly distraught.
So without any further ado, let’s get started with the one thing that everybody specifically tuned in to watch, & that is, Psycho Sid vs. Bret Hart! Can Bret retain his championship, or will Sid cut this party short?
MATCHES-
1) Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. Savio Vega (w/ Nation of Domination).
2) Rocky Maivia vs. Leif Cassidy.
3) The Hardy Boys (Matt & Jeff Hardy) vs. The Headbangers (Mosh & Thrasher).
4) Owen Hart (w/ Clarence Mason) vs. Flash Funk (w/ The Funkettes).
5) Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Bart Gunn.
6) Bret Hart (c) vs. Psycho Sid {WWF World Heavyweight Championship Match}.
Bret Hart vs. Psycho Sid: Take One
Bret Hart & Psycho Sid make their respective entrances as Jerry Lawler can’t believe that his own hometown of Nashville is going nuts for Bret. Looks like good ol’ Jerry is still upset over the fact that Bret Hart eliminated him from the 1997 Royal Rumble match.
Bret & Sid are staring each other down in the ring. This is it. The WWF Championship is at stake here. Whoever wins this match and— BAW GAWD! Stone Cold slides into the ring & attacks Bret Hart!
The Texas Rattlesnake even clips Sid’s knee out. Psycho Sid sells the hell out of that move by yelling ‘DAMMIT!’ three times in a row right in front of the camera. A bunch of officials, Pat Patterson & Jerry Brisco escort Austin backstage in the end.
Sid is limping now, & when the referee checks on him, Sid delivers a quote totally befitting that particular situation: “The motherf*cker hit me like an a*shole!”
People cheer on Sid to fight, but Sid’s “severe knee injury” prevents him from doing so.
The feed immediately cuts to HBK’s promo from ‘Thursday RAW Thursday’ without any warning. Do not worry though, the title match will take place later on in this show. Sid won’t allow that ‘motherf*cker’ (his words) Steve Austin to take this golden opportunity away from him.
Ahmed Johnson Commits A Fashion Felony
MATCH #1: MARC MERO (w/ Sable) vs. SAVIO VEGA (w/ Nation of Domination)
Savio Vega comes out to the ring accompanied by the Nation. However, their leader, Farooq, along with Clarence Mason decides to hang back with the audience in the upper section of the arena like a true king.
Then there’s Marc Mero, accompanied by Sable. Like I said last week, Sable has been getting increasingly aggressive recently. She slapped Leif Cassidy (a.k.a Al Snow) during ‘In Your House 13: Final Four’ PPV last Sunday.
Also, in somewhat of a career-defining moment, a brave courageous inspiring woman named Sable did something two weeks ago that nobody usually dares to do- She kicked The Undertaker.
Sable might need those slaps & kicks if any one of the Nation members dare come close to her.
Marc Mero immediately starts off by taking out Savio & Crush using a somersault plancha outside the ring. Okay, let’s just not talk about this match anymore, because— 1) It’s not that great. 2) Nobody clicked on this article to read about Marc Mero & Savio Vega battling it out in the ring & 3) Read points 1) & 2) again.
JR is trying his best to sell this underwhelming opening match. He says that there’s nothing like seeing the WWF Live as Savio Vega is choking the hell out of Marc Mero, to which, Jerry Lawler replies— “Nothing like seeing Sable live either.”
In the end, Sable slides inside the ring as Mero shields her from the Nation’s members. Strong harassment vibes here folks. The referee calls for the bell. Mero wins it via DQ.
No contact was made, but I guess chasing after Sable can cost you a wrestling match as well. To save Marc Mero (& Sable) from the Nation’s members, long-time rival Ahmed Johnson comes in with a 2x4, which sends each & every N.O.D member scurrying away from him.
Speaking of Ahmed Johnson, the guy just committed a fashion felony. The dude looks like he either escaped from jail or just forgot to bring his work clothes to, you guessed it— WORK.
Result: Marc Mero wins via DQ.
We catch up with Bret Hart backstage. He better get used to Austin targeting his back by now. Bret forgets about tonight & directly talks about WrestleMania 13. Lawler accuses him of brushing past Psycho Sid so quickly. To be fair, it’s not the first time somebody has forgotten about Psycho Sid…
Bret: “No, I’m not brushing off anybody. As far as I’m concerned they’re all great contenders, but that’s all they are. You can only look out for number one. If you don’t stop looking out for number one, you start stepping in number two & I’m not gonna let any of that happen. I am the best there is, the best there was & the best there ever will be & this (WWF Championship) proves it for the fourth time…”
Jerry Lawler (who hates Bret): “Yeah, I bet you’re real glad that Stone Cold Steve Austin injured Psycho Sid’s leg, aren’t you? Huh?”
Bret: “Shut up Lawler”.
Two important things to note. 1) Bret is starting to get really annoyed & quite grumpy very quickly in early 1997. 2) Byron Saxton is not the only one who needs to shut up. Bret clearly articulates that message as seen above. Lawler would rather massage Sid’s injured knee or something, that is how much he hates Bret.
Welcome To The Jerry Lawler (and Sunny) Show...
MATCH #2: ROCKY MAIVIA vs. LEIF CASSIDY
Rocky Maivia a.k.a the guy who went on to become one of the highest paid actors of all time is the current WWF Intercontinental Champion in this scenario.
Nobody really wants to watch these two wrestlers 'wrestle' right now…so Sunny comes out! She is wearing a pink outfit & showing ample cleavage to make the kids in the audience wonder if there’s something more to women than what they’ve been taught so far…
Lawler said it before, he’ll say it again: There are two wonders of the world right here in the WWF, & you’re looking at them right now.
Oh one more thing, she is the special guest timekeeper for this match. Sunny coyly plays with Rocky for a while. Lawler says not to waste any more time on that idiot. Correct.
“Oh man, did she ring my bell!” marvels Jerry Lawler, as Sunny, you guessed it- RINGS the bell.
I am looking at my notes right now, & it looks like I only managed to jot down Jerry Lawler moments from this match. In my defense, this bout is a snooze-fest. It is very slow-paced. Rocky puts Cassidy in a hold, & Cassidy reverses by putting Rocky into a hold. Rocky gets some punches in & before you know it, Cassidy puts Rocky into one of the most uncharismatic arm-bars I have ever seen.
At one point, Leif confuses Rocky with a cheap thumb to the eye. Jerry Lawler is in denial though. He says he didn’t see anything at all, & so didn’t Rocky, to which JR replies— “I think you have selected vision.”
Our view turns split screen & we see Sunny doing a great job as a timekeeper (as if you can mess that job up in the first place). Here is the crux of this show so far, we can clearly see that a guy behind the announcer’s desk is holding an “ECW Rules” sign. What’s interesting is that Lawler is distracted by that sign throughout this match. Something seems fishy here.
Rocky wins the match using a shoulder-breaker as expected (thank god that’s over). The last we see of Sunny tonight is her holding a “Sunny For President” sign.
Result: Rocky Maivia wins via pinfall.
But hey, what happened to Jerry Lawler? Looks like The King is too distracted with the ECW sign. Then something happens which totally proves that Jerry Lawler is the MVP of the night (so far).
Lawler quickly snatches that “ECW Rules” sign from the guy sitting behind him (the guy just replaces it with another “ECW Rules” poster immediately, so LOL). Lawler says that he is sick & tired of hearing idiots bothering him about ECW each & every time. He calls ECW a prison, & states that it’s just a place where a bunch of misfits & WWF has-beens migrate to. ECW is a buncha’ crap, Ross!
And then he takes a shot at WCW (indirectly). Lawler says that somebody brought a “Jerry Lawler” sign to Nitro one time, & the WCW officials had it taken away immediately. Whereas, you can see ECW signs in WWF shows everywhere because unlike Nitro, WWF believes in the freedom of speech! *laughing internally*
Jerry Lawler calls out the ECW punks to show up in the Manhattan Center on next week’s RAW!
Talk about spontaneity out of nowhere, the whole Rocky/Cassidy match was essentially a build-up to this segment. I loved it (not the match, duh). But there’s more to come…
A 'Rogue Amazonian' Woman Makes Her RAW Debut
Goldust is accompanied to the ring by Marlena, as Kevin Kelly conducts an in-ring interview with The Bizarre Couple. Goldust goes off on a tangent explaining this real-life situation & comparing it to the ‘Hills of Hollywood’ whilst drooling all over Marlena’s figure at the same time.
Marlena assures that from Goldust’s golden feet to Goldust’s golden hair, he’s all MAN (& perhaps a better one than HHH could ever be).
But Hunter comes out, as expected. He taunts Goldust & throws a drink on his face. Goldust is startled. HHH gets in & beats the hell out of him. Hunter finishes it off with a Pedigree.
But Marlena has had it. She turns HHH around & slaps him. The crowd pops hard. Suddenly, an ‘Amazonian Woman’ from last night’s PPV comes out of nowhere & shakes Marlena from behind like a ragdoll (they think she’s an audience member). Seriously, go watch that, it’s probably the only ‘shaking’ you’ll ever remember for the rest of the month.
Who is this ‘Amazonian Woman’? Does she have an obsession with Marlena? Well, that’s what happens when you let goofs bringing ECW posters to think they’re a part of the show, according to Lawler.
Sure, you could also call her Chyna. But hey, nobody calls her that yet. So yes, a rogue audience member who looks like an Amazonian Woman shook the life out of poor Marlena.
I am pretty sure Hunter Hearst Helmsley had nothing to do with this…
Broken Matt & Brother Nero Make Their RAW Debut From An Alternate Universe
MATCH #3: THE HARDY BOYS (Matt & Jeff Hardy) vs. THE HEADBANGERS (Mosh & Thrasher)
Brother Nero…I knew you’d come.
Constant readers witnessed how much I disliked the Headbangers right off the bat during their debut match on Thursday RAW Thursday one week ago. As for their opponents, let’s just say that this match is their RAW debut.
However, these two young guns- Matt & Jeff, they remind me a lot of the two main characters of The Broken Universe: Broken Matt & Brother Nero. The resemblance is quite uncanny if you ask me.
Maybe in some alternate universe, Broken Matt & Brother Nero were responsible for being the pioneers of tag-team wrestling in the Attitude Era. Eh, that’s a long shot, Matt & Jeff will probably just end up being jobbers.
The Headbangers attack these two from behind immediately. The two knuckleheads even double team Matt in the corner. But Mosh, or Thrasher, either one of these goofs throws Matt Hardy in such a way that Matt’s neck directly rebounds from the bottom rope. It was a clear botch.
Heck, even Jeff Hardy sells their moves by taking unnecessary (but totally necessary for jobbers) risks. It is apparent that both of their careers are going to be riddled with injuries if they keep on doing this forever. Maybe I am just worrying too much, it’s not like they’re ever going to jump off ladders or something.
Just like last week, JR & Jerry Lawler make a mockery out of metal culture.
Lawler: “That Hardy Boy thinks he’s in a mosh-pit right now. You ever seen a mosh-pit?”
JR: “A couple of times on the news. Never experienced it.”
Lawler: “On the news?”
JR: “Yeah I watch the news.”
Lawler: “What would a mosh-pit be doing on the news? You might see one on MTV. I don’t think you’ll see it on the news Ross.”
JR even goes on to call ‘Marilyn Manson’ a lady. This is basically commentators parodying a culture that is already being parodied by the two most unlikable parodies in the ring.
The Headbangers execute a stage-dive & win the match. My dislike for The Headbangers continues. See you later Hardy Boys.
Result: The Headbangers (Mosh & Thrasher) win via pinfall.
During the above tag-team bout, our view turns split-screen as we see Farooq cutting an impromptu promo on Ahmed Johnson. The reason why I decided to talk about it after the match is because I think that this is the most underrated moment of the night. Each & every word that Farooq says is probably the most interested I’ve ever been regarding this N.O.D/Ahmed Johnson saga.
Farooq explains that Ahmed always comes out saying what he’s going to do for himself & his people. But what his people don’t know is that Ahmed Johnson is a fraud. Ahmed talks about living in the streets whereas, in reality, Ahmed lives in a high-rise penthouse over Houston, drives two cars & has three bedrooms.
Farooq has lived in the ‘real streets’. Living in the real streets is like being raised in a two-room house with seven kids. Farooq adds that Ahmed Johnson has an advantage over everyone on Earth, but he doesn’t have to die to go to hell. Ahmed is in hell now, but Farooq is the devil & the rest of the Nation are all the demons he needs.
Farooq challenges Ahmed to a Chicago Street Fight at WrestleMania 13 & the sequence ends with Nation of Domination members raising their fists & showing ultimate superiority in numbers.
Ron Simmons (Farooq) is the heel here, but…DAMN!
Bret Hart vs. Psycho Sid: Take Two
It’s time for Bret Hart vs. Psycho Sid (again)!
Bret Hart is making his way to the Gorilla Position. A camera follows him from behind to capture the essence of who the Hitman really is.
Out of nowhere, Austin jumps him again! Psycho Sid is so pissed that he literally goes back & tries to manhandle Steve Austin. Several officials, including Vince McMahon, try to separate them apart from each other.
So yes, if you’re wondering, the match didn’t happen…AGAIN. Just think about this: You are a WWF wrestler & a crazy bald redneck just so happens to be your mortal enemy. But this is not just any other redneck- Stone Cold Steve Austin is a leech that only goes away when you allow it to suck the amount of blood it wants to.
Bret Hart has previously stated that he knows Austin is targeting his back, but the Hitman walks around as if he is still untouchable. No wonder why Steve Austin manages to interfere so frequently…
Good news. After the ad-break, Gorilla Monsoon guarantees that we will still be getting that title match tonight. I would personally suggest locking Stone Cold somewhere inside the arena, but we all know that’s not gonna happen.
I Hear That There's An 'ECW Representative' On The Phone...
MATCH #4: OWEN HART (w/ Clarence Mason) vs. FLASH FUNK (w/ The Funkettes)
Ladies & gentlemen, introducing first, here comes Owen Ha— I mean, here comes the Slammy Award winning, tag-team belts holding unbelievably charismatic individual named Owen Hart.
Wait, why is he holding both tag belts? Where is The British Bulldog at?
I would not be surprised if Owen just stole his brother-in-law’s title belt while the latter was in the shower. The match starts off with a great sequence. It is quite fast-paced & does hold up to today’s standards.
But both Flash Funk & Owen Hart are performing at an equal pace & displaying equal offense. So when both of them go for a dropkick & both miss at the same time, Owen Hart probably thought ‘f*ck it’ & went for a quick heroic ‘Woo!’
But, that’s not how we do things here. Readers might have noticed that there has been a lack of good/great matches on this show so far. Well, no matter how hard these two wrestlers might perform, the WWF also try their best by inserting random plots in between to divert us from the match itself. That is exactly what happens, except I am not complaining this time around, because…
…Jim Ross reveals that Jerry Lawler has just received a phone call. Lawler double-checks just to confirm that his colleague is not fooling around. Well, it turns out that there is someone on the phone for Lawler. But who is it?
I would encourage the readers to take a wild guess & then sound off in the comments below.
Well, do you remember Lawler calling out the ECW boys a few segments ago? So as it turns out, that there is an ‘ECW Representative’ on the phone, & this representative is none other than Paul E. Dangerously…a.k.a Paul Heyman!
He has personally called to accept Lawler’s challenge, & unlike Vince McMahon, Paul states that he does not hide behind representatives. Meanwhile, on the other end of the line, Jerry Lawler’s pure gold facial expressions are that of pure disgust (& ample confusion).
Lawler bashes the ‘bingo halls’ & says that Paul & his boys probably won’t recognize the Manhattan Center next week just because it’s an ‘arena’. Get it?
So that was that, back to the match now.
Finally, The British Bulldog comes out. He tells Clarence Mason to get the hell out of here. Mason walks back to the locker room.
But, yet again, as I stated before, it feels as if the viewers are not allowed to enjoy a wrestling match this week, because they keep on inserting subplots & interferences in between. This time around, our view turns split-screen (AGAIN) & we see Steve Austin standing by.
JR (to Austin): “Have you lost it? What’s going on?”
Austin: “What do you want son, you gonna ask me a question or what?”
The Texas Rattlesnake goes on about how the whole wrasslin’ industry has screwed him. Austin even takes a shot at WWF President Gorilla Monsoon by saying— “Gorilla Monsoon said I was this close from going over the edge? I done gone over the edge already, and I’m this close to whoopin’ his a*s!”
That was the second plot inserted in between this contest, let’s get back to the match now.
It looks like 3/4ths of the contest is already over. Funk goes for a moonsault. 1,2— Owen Hart kicks out. Unexpectedly, The British Bulldog hits Flash Funk with a Slammy to the back of his head. He also holds Funk’s leg down for the three count. Owen Hart wins the match. Maybe The British Bulldog is more accepting of Owen’s ideologies after all.
Meanwhile, Owen is still confused as to why his brother-in-law decided to help him cheat. Last week, both of them were pretty close to breaking up as a tag-team, but this week, Owen & Bulldog just might qualify as Han Solo & Chewbacca from Star Wars (with The British Bulldog being Chewbacca, obviously).
Result: Owen Hart wins via pinfall.
Pic credit: Pranesh Arry
Speaking Of The Lack Of Any Good Wrestling Matches So Far...
MATCH #5: HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY vs. BART GUNN
Speaking of not witnessing any good matches so far, we have HHH facing-off against Bart Gunn. How convenient.
The Honky Tonk Man joins the commentary booth.
JR conducts a mini-interview with HHH just after the bell rings. Yes, you read that right- ‘after the bell rings’.
JR asks is Hunter has anything to do with that heinous attack on Marlena for two consecutive nights. HHH does not know who that Amazonian Woman is. Women go crazy for him all the time, there’s your explanation.
Honky Tonk Man is still searching for that ‘one’ superstar who possesses it all. He has narrowed the list down to 2-3 superstars. Are there any takers for this subplot? No? Okay, then.
The match starts off pretty quick. Bart Gunn goes for a hip-toss, as well as a few arm-drags. Truth be told, Bart Gunn executes standard moves pretty efficiently by now. How come? Well, because standard moves are about everything he can do in the ring.
I might be getting a little grumpy here, but Bart Gunn & HHH wrestle unimpressively for 4+ minutes. Speaking of plot interventions & wrestler interferences, Goldust slides into the ring after a while & chases Helmsley up to the stands.
HHH has never escaped so fast. Heck, by the time the referee counts him out, Goldust has already chased Hunter past the concession stands!
Let’s move on to the very match that encouraged the majority of the readers to read this recap (I guess). Up next, Psycho Sid vs. Bret Hart for the WWF Title. Take three!
Result: Bart Gunn wins via count-out.
Bret Hart vs. Psycho Sid: Take Three
MATCH #6: BRET HART (c) vs. PSYCHO SID {WWF World Heavyweight Championship Match}
Psycho Sid makes his entrance for the third time tonight, & does not even bother to look over his shoulder.
The match finally begins. HAIL THE LORD!
Sid knocks Bret off his feet pretty early on. Bret does a great job of showing signs of fatigue from last night (…and tonight). The crowd is very confusing, & it makes for an interesting dynamic to watch. Sometimes they boo Sid. Other times they cheer Sid.
Psycho Sid also sells his knee problem from tonight’s opening pretty efficiently. After all, he didn’t say ‘Dammit’ three consecutive times in a row for nothing. Bret takes advantage of Sid over the knee situation, & Sid takes advantage of Bret over his fatigue. Great storytelling!
Sid goes for a backbreaker & only manages to get a two-count. JR says that there is ‘speculation’ that Sid was responsible for Shawn’s knee injury. Nope. Shawn screwed Shawn.
Bret reverses the momentum by targeting Sid’s left leg, & then, the Hitman proceeds to apply a figure-four hold on Sid using the ring post! He is trying to break Sid’s leg!
One important takeaway here is that Sid was always a ‘big-move’ wrestler. He drew a huge crowd reaction based on more than 90% of his offense for this match. It is actually a huge advantage for him. Smaller wrestlers have to keep on wrestling with a faster pace to get the crowd involved, whereas guys like Sid can work at their own comfort level.
For example, we witness a great sequence in the corner where Bret grabs Sid’s leg. However, Sid reverses the situation by pounding the hell out of Bret Hart’s chest. It drew a huge crowd response.
People cheer for Sid as he goes for a leg drop. Later, Sid slams Bret onto the mat & executes a leg-drop from the second rope. Bret still kicks out at two!
Oh, here we go- Austin comes out again! However, Sid drops the redneck S.O.B with a hard punch before he can stir some sh*t up!
This gives the Hitman enough time to recover. He quickly locks Sid into a sharpshooter as soon as the latter gets inside the ring. Will Sid tap out?
Wait, what the hell is Austin doing on the ring apron? Austin uses a chair & hits Bret right in the face with it! Referee Earl Hebner does not see anything.
But Sid didn’t even realize what just happened. He still takes advantage of the situation & power-bombs his opponent. Sid goes for the cover…
1……2……3!
The master & ruler of the world, Psycho Sid is your new WWF Champion! Bret could not hold on to the title for more than one day!
People collectively chant ‘Sid!’ as he celebrates & poses in the ring. To be fair, it was a pretty sketchy three count, & the referee making that count just so happens to be Earl Hebner. Boy, I sure do hope that he doesn’t screw up a major match in the future…
Result: Psycho Sid is your new WWF Champion!
An interesting turn of events that only took place because of the perfectly-timed coincidences around this period of the WWF. But hold on a second.
So if Psycho Sid is the new champion that means….GONG!
The lights start flickering. Deadman is in the house!
“GET OUTTA THERE SID!” yells Jerry Lawler.
The Undertaker & Psycho Sid have an intense stare down as a purple shade of light reflects off their grim faces. Psycho Sid widens his eyes to show that he is not afraid of The Undertaker. What happens now?
What happens to Psycho Sid? What happens to The Undertaker? What happens to Bret Hart? And most importantly, what happens to that ‘motherf*cker’ (Sid’s words) Steve Austin?
Oops. Looks like we’ve run out of time folks.
The 17th February 1997 edition of RAW left us with a lot of talking points for next week. Psycho Sid probably had one of his greatest matches in the main event. However, apart from that, the wrestling aspect throughout the rest of the show was pretty unimpressive.
With that being said, how great does it feel to finally reach a point where things are perfectly shaping up? Chyna made her RAW debut, & so did The Hardy Boys. What happens next week regarding the ECW/Jerry Lawler angle?
GRADE: B+
Join me next week as I recap the 24th February 1997 edition of Monday Night RAW. Until then, you can check out the 'In Your House 13: Final Four' PPV Review by clicking here. You can also follow me here to stay updated. Send me interesting stuff/picture edits/facts/feedback regarding the old-school recaps at E-Mail: [email protected].
Thanks for reading this recap & stay tuned for more...
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