Satire: Insurance companies to offer 'Protection from Gayle' to other IPL teams

Sensing a huge need gap in the market of non-RCB IPL teams, insurance players have started offering a unique product to tailor to those teams that have been at the receiving end of Chris Gayle’s murderous ways.

The ‘Chris Gayle protection cover’ offer, floated by many private players, insures the opposing team against Chris Gayle-related issues such as loss in bowler self-confidence, excessive expenditure on cricket balls that get lost, players who might lose a limb after getting hit, and finally – losing the match itself.

“We realise that Chris Gayle either fires or doesn’t – which makes it a lucrative market for us to enter, as all the teams will want to protect themselves against this monster!,” quipped an agent of a private insurance company. “We charge supremely huge premiums so we remain profitable. The teams are willing to go to crazy lengths!”

This has led to huge sighs of relief by many opposing team players.

“Phew. So now even if I bowl a rubbish over, it’ll be okay. The team will get some compensation!,” said Ali Murtaza, one of the unfortunate victims of Gayle’s incredible 175*, which forced insurance players to think about offering such a product.

Prasanth Parameshwaran, who suffered at the hands of Chris Gayle, going for 37 runs in one over 2 seasons back with the Kochi Tuskers Kerala, lamented, “Damn! If only this product was released back then, then I would have made myself a bit of money!” Parameshwaran now, is ironically Chris Gayle’s teammate. There are reports that Gayle has become more fearsome in the nets these days, and I think we know the reason why.

Virat Kohli, captain of RCB and Gayle, is amused. But at the same time, he’s wondering whether the same insurance company could offer his OWN team protection against RP Singh, so “basically we get some compensation if he screws up”.

This, of course, has sparked many a marketeer’s brain, and now there are all sorts of insurance products being proposed: Protection from going deaf after listening to Danny Morrison, protection from being blinded by the makeup worn by Shilpa Shetty and protection from one’s IQ dropping to single digits after watching Rochelle Rao. There are also specialty products – such as N Srinivasan being protected from being assaulted by Lalit Modi.

“I’m surprised no condom brand has caught up on this protection craze,” tweeted CSK skipper MS Dhoni, showing off his new witty Twitter avatar.

When asked why nobody had bothered to create an insurance product revolving around protection from Ravindra Jadeja, the association of insurance bodies were quick to say that such a product would never be made, since it went against their religious grounds. Sir has done it again.

DISCLAIMER – This is a satire, and should be taken in jest.