Now that KKR have been eliminated from the IPL 2016, I couldn’t grab an opportunity better than this to vent my frustration.
Gautam Gambhir is the worst thing to have happened to India and KKR. I simply cannot understand this: how can someone who is never seen smiling, be a part of the gentleman’s game? I mean, isn’t the smile the most important curve to warrant you as a gentleman?
For Gambhir, it definitely is.
He must show his teeth every once in a while to prove that he can score runs. To show that he can captain his team. Nobody likes a person who never smiles. This guy takes his name too seriously.
The absence of his smile has become such a burning issue in the country that BCCI is considering renaming him Hasmukhlal. The only time anybody has seen Gambhir smile is the time when he came to know that there is a cricketer called Sachin Baby in the enemy team.
Wait, I am not done yet
Gambhir is more wooden than Arjun Rampal with his expressions. Maybe that is because of the wood in his armour. I mean the bat.
Moreover, nobody likes a person who gets angry when he should be happy, unless of course Amazon delivers slippers instead of those brown loafers that you ordered.
If Mary had a little lamb, Gambhir would eat it.
Let me explain this in more detail.
This absolutely irrational guy, who is apparently the skipper of the Kolkata Knight Riders, has taken LOL to a whole new level. Very deservedly he is not a part of the Indian National Team, because he kicked a chair after his team ‘won’.
For many, KKR vs RCB was read as Kolkata Kursi Riders vs Royal Chair Breakers because of Gambhir.
For starters, Gambhir, known nationwide as another arrogant man from the capital, violently kicked the chair after vice-captain Suryakumar Yadav hit a boundary in a winning cause at the Chinnaswamy Stadium in Bangalore.
Also Read: Gautam Gambhir kicked chair after his team's win against Royal Challengers Bangalore
How could he be so happy that he targeted the chair? What was the fault of the poor chair? The chair suffered several fractures and was rushed to the hospital. However, it lost its life despite the bills paid by Gambhir for its best treatment.
If the media is to be believed, the hospital bill amounted to about 15% of the perpetrator’s match fee.
Gambhir is a murderer in every sense of the term
This IPL, he first murdered the ball quite a number of times to become the 4th highest run scorer in all the seasons. He then murdered the opposition eight times to enter the playoffs.
Double G even went to the extent of murdering Pune’s last hope of surviving in the tournament by setting the field for Dhoni in such a way that Captain Cool managed only 8 runs off 22 balls. Rare, very rare, and totally unacceptable.
And then, of course, the worst of all the assassinations – that of the innocent chair. So many murders in a single IPL season. The guy is slowly turning fearsome. The only reason nobody has permanently sat on the iron throne even after six seasons of Game of Thrones is because they fear Gambhir will kick and break the sword chair, killing the King.
He is feared in all the seven kingdoms and all the cricket boards.
Gambhir’s first priority is NOT cricket
Now let me talk about a few of his secrets which do not trend on social media like the deceased chair. Not on the upper right-hand side of my Facebook home page at least. And like most of you, I didn’t know about this either until last year when the Kolkata Knight Riders paid a visit to my college.
While most of us were expecting a tete-a-tete with Gambhir and the team over cricket, the traitor instead talked about ice hockey. Gambhir looked like he was giving a tough competition to Rahul Gandhi when it came to speaking publicly on my campus. Like, seriously?
You come to my college donning the KKR Jersey and go on and on about ice hockey? A sport nobody has even heard of? And then try to educate us about the same? Why would we be concerned about the inadequate funds of an unpopular sport when the Indian Premier League is going on?
Considering his priorities, he should join the ice hockey team instead of wasting time in hopes of getting into the Indian cricket team. If nothing else, the ice will surely melt his overrated anger.
In any case, given his current reputation, I feel Salman Khan will get married before Gambhir’s return to the Indian team.
The guy has given me enough reasons to call him stupid
He played a very crucial role during the 2007 and 2011 World Cup only to later ‘fight’ for a place in the Indian team? Only to be among the top hated cricketers in the country? LOL.
He led KKR to become two-time champions. But his foolish team selection last night cost the team a berth in the Eliminator 2. Gambhir lost my dear team the title this year and I am not forgiving him for this. Not unless he makes me meet the cute Manish Pandey as a consolation.
This guy has constantly proved he is not fit for cricket. It is high time he uses his common sense to follow the footsteps of S. Sreesanth and joins politics. Don’t be surprised if he is seen as an MLA candidate for ‘Khushinagar’ in the next elections.
P.S: This is a satirical piece written in good humor with no intentions of hurting anybody’s sentiments.
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