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Satire: Sachin Tendulkar retires from international cricket

Apeksha HA
ANALYST
Modified 31 Jan 2013
The Championships - Wimbledon 2012: Day Eleven

LONDON, ENGLAND – JULY 06: Sachin Tendulkar watches on from the Royal Box on Centre Court on day eleven of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club on July 6, 2012 in London, England. (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

In a shocking turn of events which has left millions of Indians in a mixed state of emotions, Sachin Tendulkar has decided to retire from cricket.  Everyone, including the media and the pan-wala right at the edge of the road seems to be talking about this sad turn of events.

In a news conference called right next to his lavish home in Mumbai, Sachin said:

“I am pretty happy to announce that I have retired from the game of cricket but I will continue to play the googly and bouncers as a member of Rajya Sabha. I have become bored of playing on the same pitches again and again, so I thought it’s only wise to move on to a new pitch in New Delhi where I can compete with new rivals.”

Sources have confirmed that the real fans are happy to see Sachin move on to a new phase, but a section of the media and the population in general have been deeply affected by his decision. Here is some talk that has been going around the media and cricket circles, revealed exclusively for the readers:

TV ChannelsThere can never be another Sachin, as his retirement  speculation and criticism for lack of runs scored had sky-rocketed our TRP ratings. How will we earn money and fame now?

Cricket Fans (Anti-Sachin) There can never be another Sachin as his age and no-shows were what spiced up our lunch and tea-time gossip. How will we pass our time or claim to be experts who know everything now?

Critics (Anti-Sachin Reporters): There can never be another Sachin, as we will have no one to criticize or pass our judgments on to  increase our Facebook or Twitter followers. How will we get our salaries now?

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: There can never be another Sachin, as his retirement rumors had kept the focus away from my captaincy in one-dayers and Test matches. How will I dodge them now?

Virender Sehwag: There can never be another Sachin, as the comparisons made between him and me, despite me not scoring runs so many times, have been the shining points of my career. How will I  keep up with my fame now?

Real Sachin Fans: There can never be another Sachin as not only was he the greatest batsman to ever play the game, but he also was the sole reason we started watching cricket in the first place. How will we ever fall in love with cricket now?

All in all , no matter who we are, to its ardent followers in the country, cricket will never be the same when Sachin retires.

DISCLAIMER – This is a satire and not real news.

Published 05 Oct 2012
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