Satire: Sledging Rahul Dravid to be made a punishable offence

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and is meant to be in jest.

Acting on a protest filed by cricket fans across the country, the Government of India has passed a bill by which passing unsavoury comments to Rajasthan Royals captain Rahul Dravid would be made a punishable offence, attracting penalties similar to theft, money laundering and drinking alcohol in Gujarat.

The passing of the bill comes after the widespread outrage following the sledging incident in the recently concluded IPL game – where the Indian legend was sledged by Manvinder Bisla, a player keen to end any hopes of getting an international call, and Gautam Gambhir, a player keen to show that his altercation with Virat Kohli was not just a flash in the pan.

Manvinder Bisla trying hard to end his own international career

‘Nobody can sledge Rahul Dravid!”, said a spokesperson of Regional Support Division To Amazing Rahul Dravid (RSD-TARD). Following viral videos of Bisla and Gambhir sledging Dravid, thousands of hardcore fans, who have never seen a full Rahul Dravid innings before, poured out onto the streets demanding various punishments for the two errant Knight Riders, ranging from being dropped from the KKR team to being made to stay in Andheri East for a month.

The online populace has been particularly vicious on Manvinder Bisla, whose only notable achievement till date is having a surname that is 4/5ths that of one of India’s most respected business houses. “Who the hell is this young punk to even look at India’s greatest batsman?”, asked a hardcore Bangalorean (the same person who cursed Dravid for scoring too slowly when he played with RCB).

Kamaal R Khan, known for his forthright remarks, tweeted the following, albeit with questionable lingual syntax, “crickrz under 25 ven dey spk 2 dravid shud do so from only 1 positn – touching his feet”. Times of India wrote an entire 3000-word article based on this one tweet, headlined “Salman Khan supports Rahul Dravid”.

Abhishek, one of the developers behind the offical IPL fantasy team league game, mentioned that over the last 20 hours, 98% of people who had selected Bisla and Gambhir in their teams have dropped him.

Manvinder Bisla, who obviously didn’t take into consideration such massive outrage, tried very hard to defend himself by muttering, “Err… Ah, actually it wasn’t me who abused Rahul bhai – it was my nephew”.

As for Gautam Gambhir, he was dealt a huge blow by the BCCI:

And if we are to hear right, there are also other cricket-based laws in the offing. It is now illegal to make jokes on Sachin Tendulkar‘s retirement, which has dealt a huge blow to Sportskeeda cartoonists and satirists.