There is a guy I play basketball with. Great shooter. Never learned to pass. Only time the ball leaves his hands is when it’s going towards the ring. Sitting next to him in a dining hall, he won’t pass the salt. Sitting next to him in a class, he won’t pass on your notes. No passes. Ever.
I have nicknamed him Arjun, as he only sees the target. This got me thinking. Basketball in Mahabharat. There were five Pandav brothers. There are five players in a basketball team. I’m sure The Pandavs were all upstanding and productive citizens. I’m also sure they should under no circumstances play basketball as a team. Ever.
I’ve gone scouting and broken down the pros and cons of each brother as a basketball player. See for yourself:
The Yudishthir -
Pro: sort of an all rounder
Cons: always honest. If he palmed the ball, he will be the first to admit it. Will often agree with baseless and unfounded calls made by the other team against yours. If the referees miss a foul committed by your team, he will politely bring it to their attention. Also gambles compulsively on defense. Will reach in for steals at the expense of leaving his man open. Also gambles on long and ill advised shots. Has been known to put his wife on the line when the game is on the line. She does not shoot free throws very well. The next guy does.
The Arjun -
Pros: great shooter.
Cons: His usefulness to the team is impaired by his narrow vision. He can only see the proverbial fish’s eye, i.e. the basket. On a 5 on 1 fast break, he won’t see the 4 other teammates running along with him. Instead he will launch a running 3 with no prickling of conscience whatsoever. Has been known to be immobilized and question his morals in the heat of the battle, forcing the coach to call a timeout and sort out his moral compass with a lengthy recitation of a meaningful ballad.
The Bheem -
Pros: Real strong. Known for his intimidating presence.
Cons: Will often charge headfirst into the thick of the defense and commit an offensive foul. Does not know his own strength. Will inadvertently, with the slightest touch, send players flying out of bounds leading to a flagrant foul and possibly an ejection. Not very good at detecting fakes or seeing through guises. Will pass to the other team if they pretend to be his teammates.
The Nakul –
Pros: Good for a game of HORSE. But that’s about it.
Cons: Is the exact same player as his brother.
The Sahadev - See above. Same guy. Twin brothers. In a team, guys complement each other and cover up for shortcomings. If two of your players are basically the same person, you are screwed.
Any mythological basketball team you would like me to scout?Published 23 May 2010, 17:11 IST