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NBA Free Agency 2016: Recap of Day 1 madness

A judgmental look at the signings of Day 1 of the 2016 NBA Free Agency

The reaction of the dude on the left just about sums it up

Let the sheer madness commence. This is the time of break ups and patch ups, of promises made and renegaded upon. Of holding free agents hostage and sending banana boats to the rescue. The 2016 NBA Free Agency promises to be absolutely insane.

In a year when the salary cap has ballooned by over $24 million, the GMs have even more leeway to tie an anchor around their franchises and wrangle an albatross contract which will hamstring their team for decades to come. 

Let the billboards go up, pleading for hometown heroes to stay and not play 'I'm leaving on a Jet plane' as they flutter away to other cities which have their own billboards enticing them. 

You can almost see the NBA legends waving a grumpy stick at today's players and gesticulating them to get off their lawn and take their bloated contracts with them. Worth mentioning that Michael Jordan made $25 million for 8 years, in what was initially seen as a stretch of a contract. 

The very first deal of the 2016 Free Agency set a precedent for shock and awe. An NBA GM with cap space is not unlike an over-eager child let loose at a toy store with a bundle of cash. How else do you explain the storied Los Angles Lakers franchise throwing $64 million at Tomifey Mozgov for four years? 

In 2010, Joe Johnson signed a six-year contract worth $123.7 million. In retrospect, that contract became a symbol of protecting GMs from themselves. This free agency promises to make that contract look like a good deal.

Here's a rundown of Day 1 of the 2016 NBA Free Agency:

De Mar DeRozan (5 years, $139 million), re-signs with Toronto Raptors

A name which kinda translates to 'Hit me and hit me everyday' in Hindi, DeRozan is a franchise player, an old-school shooting guard who eschews the three point line and gets his by slashing and popping up for good looks.   

Andre Drummond (5 years, $130 million) re-signs with Detroit Pistons

In Drummond, the Pistons have a franchise player to stick to like glue. With rumours of Drum-a-Drummond being laid to rest this season, his woeful free throw percentage ought not to hurt the Pistons as much. 

Bradley Beal (5 years, $128 Million) re-signs with Washington Wizards

The upsurge of the Wizards was as surprising as the down-surge of their stock when it comes to signing Kevin Durant. This is one worthy pickup.

Nicholas Batum (5 years, $ 120 million) re-signs with New Orleans Hornets

After averaging 14.9 points with the Hornets, Batum is going to make big money with his new contract. But his ability to live up to that remains in question.

Hassan Whiteside (4 years, $ 98 million) re-signs with Miami Heat

The Heat had to keep Whiteside, you don't let a package of talent like this one walk away.

Chandler Parsons (4 years, $ 94 million) signs with Memphis Grizzlies

After helping drive the Mavericks into the ground, Parsons does conjure up thoughts of that mistake which will haunt you but looks so appealing at the time. He does have the ability to be a valuable contributor and brings some much needed offense to the Grizzlies.

Evan Fournier (5 years, $ 85 million) re-signs with the Orlando Magic

Fournier averaged 15.4 points per game and shot 40% from downtown. The Magic were not going to let him go.

D.J. Augustin (4 years, $29 million) signs with Orlando Magic

Augustin will serve as the backup for Elfrid Payton, this is a sensible pickup in the wake of the other deals which have gone down.

Jerryd Bayless (3 years, $27 million) signs with Philadelphia 76ers 

This is probably the season that the Sixers stop tanking, so one can lay off the jokes.

Jordan Clarkson (4 years, $50 million) re-signs with Los Angles Lakers

A no-brainer of a deal, which is lucky as the mammoth Mozgov contract exhibits the scarcity of brain cells.  

Al Jefferson (3 years, $30 million) with Indiana Pacers

After the Pacers swore upon the holy shrine of small ball, they net a high-value deal by going big again. Reminds you of Alice in Wonderland taking growing and shrinking potions at random.

Jeremy Lin (3 years, $36 million) with Nets 

Brace yourselves Brooklyn. Brook and Lin puns are on their way. Commentators yelling themselves hoarse at every alley-oop "Lin to Lopez! Its a Lin-Brook connection! Wait, can't Brook Lopez throw Jeremy Lin an alley-oop for a Brook-Lin connection? Positions be damned, Lin get in the post! Brook can man the point."

Ish Smith (3 years, $18 million) signs with Detroit Pistons

Smith is going to be a solid cog in the motor of Motown. Not since another Smith left the city did one expect to see such an impact.

Mizra Teletovic (3 years, $30 million) signs with Milwaukee Bucks 

The Milwaukee Bucks are aiming to be the Monster sized team from Space Jam, taking 'Size does matter' to an uncomfortable extreme, bringing the word 'overcompensation' to mind. With Teletovic they add a stretch four to stir the mix.

Evan Turner (4 years, $70 million) signs with Portland Trail Blazers

An athletic wing with oodles of potential jumping from team to team in hopes of realising that potential. A tale as old as time in the NBA.

Joe Johnson (2 years, $22 million) signs with Utah Jazz

The Jazz bring some much needed star power to their homegrown stars in the shape of Iso Joe.

Joakim Noah (4 years, $72 million) signs with New York Knicks

The New York Knicks have been mired in mediocrity for over a decade. With the signing of Joakim Noah they bring some much needed toughness in the interior which will take pressure off Kristaps Porzingis.

Jared Dudley (3 years, $30 million)

Dudley is a solid pickup for $30 million for any team. Coming back to the team he made a name with, he is sure to find his production soaring.

E'Twaun Moore (4 years, $34 million)

The former Bull ought to add some much needed depth to the struggling Pelicans.

Jeff Green (1 year, $15 million)

Green moves on to his fifth team, looking for an opportunity to have a breakout season.

Mike Conley (5 years, $153 million)

A number which boggles the mind, Conley has agreed to sign with the Grizzlies, making them a force to reckon with in the West.

Howard can be the man with an established team in the Hawks

Dwight Howard (3 years, $70 million)

Dwight Howard's numbers are moving in inverse relation to his contracts. It remains to be seen if he can overcome the injuries which derailed his career and regain his Superman form once again. 

Matthew Dellavedova (4 years, $28.4 million)

Dellavedova brings some much needed small size to a team looking to build a human ladder to the moon.

Solomon Hill (4 years, $48 million)

The addition of Hill makes the Pelicans, well, doesn't really make them much of anything after their sub-par season.

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