Glenn Maxwell’s Secret Diary Journal –Part 1

Best…..bench-warmer….EVER!

Dear Diary Mate that’s un-Australian, un-bloke-like and Sheila-like. This is more like a journal. I’ll be writing about my time in the IPL. I knew those crayons Coach gave me for completing my homework would come in handy.

Game1

Mate, this IPL business is going to be absolute ripper! I’m not playing in the first game because Wrighty and Punter and Anil and Sach-in told me they want to give some of the younger inexperienced players a go. We lost by 2 runs and after the game I heard Punter say it was Edgbaston all over again. Jonty said some mean things about Australians, Punter called him a whiner but they stopped when Mitch began to cry.

Game 2

Chennai is HOT. I spent the game talking to some of the Indian boys about something I saw on the telly last night. They reckon ACP Pradyuman is a dead-set legend as well. #NewLawandOrderCriminalIntent.

Game 3

Back at the Wankiday. I’m still not playing. I came up with an idea to get into the Ashes squad. I’ll compile a dossier (a sort of doco) on the weaknesses of England’s players based on my IPL experience and give it to Invers. Oh wait….

Game 4

Played the Pune team at home (our home ground not theirs). Well the team played, I was still practising my bench-warming skills. Mate I’m committed to becoming the best bench-warmer I possibly can. Fair dinkum. I know all the hard work will pay off. Meanwhile, the boys and I played a high-stakes game of snap.

Game 5

Went to Jaipur to play the Royals. They absolutely destroyed us mate. I reckon I’ll get a go soon. Although I will miss exchanging cooking tips with the guys. Absolute shocker- none of them had ever heard of vegemite before.

Game 6

We’re in Delhi now. Mate this is the scene of my finest hour, I opened the bowling and batting in a Test match. Looking forward to repeating my stellar performance for Mumbai. Punter told me they can’t fit me in because the Delhi boys play spin well. Looks like they play pace pretty well too! ROFL!!!

Game 7

Met with the management this arvo and told them that I had scored more Test runs than Punter this year and I was still on the bench. They looked at me and said I was right; the team needed a hard-hitting batsman who was an excellent fielder who could chip in with the odd over. They went ahead and picked Dwayne Smith. Doesn’t seem fair that Yusuf Pathan keeps playing while I’m on the bench…

Game 8

The bench is my new home. I decided to listen to some Carly Rae Jepsen. Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but the bench is boring, so pick me maybe! Cheers mate!

Game 9

We played Punjab today. David Hussey seems to think that I stole his place for the Champions Trophy. He said ‘Mate there’s no way you’re good enough to play for Australia!’ I said ‘Mate at least I’m the best player in my family!’ LOL!!!