Satire - Tips for becoming a successful Indian cricketer

Representing the national team is a dream that every budding cricketer in the country has. Well, with destiny playing its part, you might as well get there. But is that enough? You need to learn how to be a successful Indian cricketer and stay in the mix of things for as long as possible. Before you start getting too anxious thinking that it is some Herculean task, ‘KEEP CALM’ and just read these 10 simple tips to help you stay ‘on top of your game’.

Tip # 1

Ensure that you make an impression quickly or things could end at a very early stage. This is exactly like the probation period when you join a new workplace. Give the selectors and team management enough proof that they can rely on you. This is indeed the toughest bit.

Tip # 2

Love Thy Captain! And become his trusted soldier. Building a great rapport with your skipper is sure to reap rich dividends. On the contrary, be wary that any feud with the man at the helm and consequences could be disastrous. Just do what the skipper wants you to do.

Tip # 3

Make the most of matches played on home turf to maintain your position in the team, especially if you are a batsman. Remember, you are not going to gain too much on an overseas trip unless you are exceptionally talented.

Tip # 4

Play as little domestic cricket as possible to keep yourself in good shape for international games. The only time when you need to play domestic cricket is when, for some reason, you have been temporarily put out of the squad and you want to get back.

Tip # 5

Second on the priority list after national duties should be the Indian Premier League. Unless you are critically injured, you must ensure that you are available to play in the IPL even if you have had a long and tiring season prior to that. You get every chance to take a break during international assignments post the T20 tournament.

Tip # 6

If you have managed to create a certain amount of stardom for yourself, don’t let it go to waste. Take up endorsements, get active on social media and connect with important people to maintain your superstar status. This will surely help you in the long run.

Tip # 7

Don’t interact too much with the media, that’s the job of the captain or the team management. You will be told when, what and how much you need to speak. So try and stick to the protocol. However, there is no harm in giving a few harmless interviews here and there.

Tip # 8

Concentrate more on the shorter versions of the game, especially 50-over cricket, as good performances there may earn you a direct entry into the Test team. And even if you fail in the longest format, you can always fall back on the shorter formats to resurrect yourself.

Tip # 9

On foreign tours, shopping is as important an activity on non playing days as net practice. So whether it is England, Australia, South Africa or New Zealand, ensure you don’t come back empty handed (you are not coming with the trophy anyway).

Tip # 10

When you are out of form, make sure that you take the advice of a host of former cricketers and also make it visible to the media. You will surely get accolades from all quarters for working hard on your game. It doesn’t matter whether you have actually applied their tips to your game or not.

Following these tips may not take you to the pinnacle as a cricketer, but you will certainly be able to hold on to your position in the team.