“Sometimes I scare myself”: Trixie Mattel opens up about canceling shows over mental health struggles on Gayotic with MUNA podcast

Popular drag queen Trixie Mattel recently spoke about her mental health and touring on the Gayotic with MUNA podcast. In the interview with the pop band MUNA, Trixie spoke at length about her mental health and how she cancelled many shows due to the same. She shared that she took a break in 2023 to heal and recover.

Trixie Mattel shared details about the various instances when she would have a breakdown just before the show, as she would often “scare herself.” She said:

"I learned like, God, you as an artist can sometimes put up the block. Sometimes I scare myself, especially on camera. My mom could die and then I could go on camera and you would never know."

She added that dealing with moments such as those made her question her life in the spotlight and feel guilty.

"There are moments where you feel so, 'Why did I want this?' And then you feel bad for not brazenly being grateful and loving it. The nerve of me looking in the mirror being like, 'F*ck this show tonight.'"

Trixie Mattel also claimed that instances like this have never happened to her before in the 10 years of her being the popular RuGirl. Furthermore, in the podcast, Trixie spoke up about her canceling various shows and events during 2023, as she refused to perform at many events, including San Francisco’s Outside Lands Festival.

At the time, the team of the drag queen stated that she was not able to perform due to “unforeseen circumstances.”

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“I would cry while I was getting in drag”: Trixie Mattel revealed that she took a break in 2023 to recover

Speaking about her struggles with mental health, Trixie spoke about the time she would cry just before entering the stage during her shows. She also added that, due to her mental health struggles, she often cancelled many of her shows.

Trixie Mattel further spoke about how she'd cry while getting in drag.

"I have always been really good at compartmentalizing, in a good way. As an artist, sometimes you have to flick that off until you're done with a show. Last summer, I had to cancel a bunch of shows because I would cry while I was getting in drag — all of it."

The RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 3 winner added:

"Cry up until I went on, cried during the show, and cried immediately after. I just couldn't keep the floodgate up. So, I had to be like, I've got to pull these shows. I literally can barely get in drag."

This is not the first time Trixie has spelled out the harsh realities of the industry; previously, she also unveiled what it is like in her professional life in her documentary Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts, which was released in 2019. The documentary that premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival shows the life of the drag queen, including her struggles, failures, and successes.

Trixie Mattel, born Brian Michael Firkus in August 1989, is best known for her work in World of Wonder, The Trixie & Katya Show, and I Like to Watch. Apart from being a popular TV personality, she is also a singer and songwriter. Some of her albums include Two Birds and One Stone.

She has other ventures too, which include a popular cosmetic line called Trixie Cosmetics. She is also the co-owner of Wisconsin's oldest LGBTQ+ bar, This Is It. Trixie Mattel is also David Silver’s co-partner in a motel they bought in Palm Springs, California.