What is causing separation anxiety in your child? Is it normal?

What causes separation anxiety in children? (Image via Vecteezy/ okan ekinci)
What causes separation anxiety in children? (Image via Vecteezy/Okan Ekinci)

Separation anxiety in children is a natural component of their socio-emotional development. Humans are social beings, and we thrive on bonding and companionship. We feel safer in the company of others and develop attachments from a very young age, particularly with our primary caregivers.

While we all feel anxious when separated from our loved ones, separation anxiety can impact our child's quality of life. In fact, if not addressed, they may also continue to display it in their adult relationships. There can be various causes of this anxiety, but the good news is that it can be addressed.

It's important to not dismiss a child's feelings and thoughts at any developmental stage. Even children display various forms of attachment, and it can be difficult for them to manage them on their own.


What is separation anxiety in children?

Children are likely to feel vulnerable just like anyone else. (Image via Vecteezy/ Kseniia Chunaeva)
Children are likely to feel vulnerable just like anyone else. (Image via Vecteezy/ Kseniia Chunaeva)

Separation anxiety lies on the extreme end of the worry continuum. A child should display these symptoms for at least four weeks to be diagnosed with separation anxiety disorder.

Perhaps the primary symptom of this condition is that the child fears their safety in the absence of an adult. Whether it's a few seconds or few hours, they may experience heightened agitation and worries.

Another symptom is a refusal to leave the primary caregiver. Your child may display significant abandonment issues. They may appear to be 'clingy' and may have difficulty forming relationships with anyone outside the immediate circle.

In some cases, they may also experience physical symptoms of anxiety. It's well established that anxiety manifests not only in the mind but also in the body. You may find that they are experiencing unexpected headaches or stomach aches.

It can be easy to dismiss their complaints by thinking that they are excuses. Yes, in some cases, it can be. However, you should look out for the frequency of the complaints.


What causes separation anxiety in children?

Anyone can feel anxious, especially while leaving their significant others. (Image via Vecteezy/Pisut Tardging)
Anyone can feel anxious, especially while leaving their significant others. (Image via Vecteezy/Pisut Tardging)

There can be many influences on a child's attachment issues. A significant event in a child's life can have lasting impressions, especially if it's traumatic in nature. Anxiety due to separation concerns and childhood trauma are interlinked. As their sense of safety has been compromised in the past, they may find it very difficult to feel safe alone.

Children with overly protective parents may find it difficult to separate from their parents, even at a later point in their lives. As they have limited experience exploring their autonomy, they feel anxious and fearful in exploring their external environments.

As we may imagine, it significantly hampers their ability to meet developmental milestones. Parents with an anxious attachment style are also likely to affect the child's need for bonding.


Understanding the symptoms and causes of separation anxiety in children is essential as a caregiver.

While parents are vigilant about their child being physically hurt, we may sometimes miss their mental health symptoms. When you acknowledge their mental health, they learn to see their own. It can take time and patience to work with their separation anxiety, but it's possible to do so.


Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.


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